The Last Night
by I'm At My All Time Low
Summary: As I turned to walk away Jacob grabbed my wrist and pulled the sleeve up "Lee...what's this?" I glared and pulled my wrist away. "Nothing." He looked at me and spoke in a whisper. "Have you been...cutting yourself?" Warning: Suicide attempts & self harm
1. Prologue

A/N: I got the idea from a song called 'The Last Night' by Skillet, so I _had_ to write it…well I didn't have to, but I did XD Warnings: Contains self harm and angst themes.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I was running patrols by myself and it was the same, I was running past the Cullen home and I saw Jacob giving his _imprint_ a piggyback ride. Everyone was turning into imprint love zombies and I say Seth and I lucked out. I trotted deeper into the woods and felt the familiar tingle of someone phasing.

_Hey, Lee,_

_Hello, Almighty Alpha._

_Lee, don't do that._

_Do what, Almighty Alpha?_

_You know what I mean, Lee, anyways I'm here to relive you, thanks for patrolling for eight hours straight._

_Yeah sure, I'm going home and taking a nice long shower and curling up in an oversized t-shirt._

_Wow, Lee, TMI._

_You know you love it._

_Okay, sure, Lee, sure._

When I got back to my house I phased and put on my bra, under, shorts and t-shirt. I walked in and headed straight towards my room and grabbed a fresh bra and underwear and then I found one of my dads old t-shirts. I walked to the bathroom and stripped down to my birthday suit and turned the water on lukewarm. I stepped in and began cleaning the grim from my skin and hair; I used my lavender scented shampoo and washed my body with pomegranate scented soap. After I cleaned my self I stepped out and dried off, brushed my hair and put on my clothes. I walked out and into the kitchen and grabbed the cheerios and walked into the living room and sat on the couch and turned the TV on. I flipped it through till I found something decent, it was Nancy Grace and it was about the Sandra Cantu case. I laid my head on the couch and pulled the blanket over me and curled into a ball. I then remember falling asleep

I woke and heard muffled voices and I opened my eyes, I didn't remember using a pillow…now I wondered if I got drunk and ended up sleeping with someone. I looked around and saw Seth watching some movie on the TV and then I looked up and saw Jacob…

"Ah! What the hell!?"

"Whoa, Lee, what's wrong?"

"What the heck, Sis?"

"How the hell did my head end up on your lap and you better not be going commando!?"

"Ew, Leah, gross!"

"Lee, I just back from house, after a shower and changing into some PJ bottoms a white shirt and I am not going commando."

"Good, now why was my head on your lap? Were you trying to rape me?"

"No, you would kill me if I even thought about naked…"

"Jake! Ew, that's my sister!"

"I already caught you thinking about it like ten million times, my pack is full of hormonal boys who hit puberty to early."

"EW! Leah! I don't want to hear about that!"

"Ah, puberty, especially for girls, periods, cramps, bloating…"

"GROSS!"

"Okay, Lee, we get it."

"But I no longer have, I just experience hot flashes since I am menopausal! Anyways Jacob, how did I end up on you lap? Seth be honest, was he trying to rape me?"

"No, he wasn't, because I would kill him."

"Good, now spill, Black."

"Well, I sat on the cushion you weren't on 'cause you were asleep in a ball and then you ended up using me as a pillow, ask Seth, he told me not to move you because you are monster when you wake up."

"Oh, thanks Seth, really."

I stood up and stretched, not caring that I was in nothing but a t-shirt, bra and underwear. I was far from caring, they've all already seen me naked so what did it matter? I saw Seth was looking at the TV and I heard Jacob gasp, ooh, my purple underwear, such a turn on.

"Gees, Jacob, take a picture it'll last longer."

I looked and he turned his head towards the TV with a blush on his face. Boys will be boys. I walked into the kitchen to get a drink of water. As I reached for a something fuzzy touched my hand spooking me and I slipped, causing a knife from the strainer to fall and lodge itself into my wrist.

"Ow! Dammit!"

"Lee! What happened?"

Jacob and Seth came running into the kitchen and Seth's eyes widened in horror and Jacob kneeled in front of me and grabbed an old dish towel and wrapped it around my wrist.

"Lee, this will hurt a little, okay?"

"I don't care; just get the knife out of my wrist."

"Alright, hold my left hand with your right and squeeze if it hurts."

"I am not going through labor."

"Whatever."

With his right hand he slowly pulled the knife out and I bit my lip to keep from crying in pain. When the knife was pulled out he set it on the ground and covered my wrist with the dishrag. He pulled me up gently and turned the water on and put wrist under it, slowly the cut healed itself leaving a pink scar. Yet the pain felt…_good_, I stared at the scar and then dropped my wrist and I shook my head that was weird.

"Lee, you okay?"

"Yeah, just still in shock."

"Alright, Lee, why don't you rest, take a few days off, you've been patrolling the most. I'll call you in a few days to let you know when to patrol again."

"I'm not helpless, Jacob."

"I know, Lee, but even you deserve to rest."

"Fine, I'm going to be bed."

"Alright, night, Lee."

"Night, Almighty Alpha."

He scoffed at that then poked me and I glared, as I walked out I said night to Seth who was in the living room and I could have sworn Jacob said 'love you, Lee' but my mind always played tricks on me. But that can't be helped when you fall in love with your Alpha who already has a soul mate. But fate hated me and did these things to, after all it only takes eight point two seconds to fall in love, but one second for some cosmically fate thingy to pin to someone for the rest of your life. But fate made fall in love with men with soul mates, just my luck.

~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Short, but it will get longer if you want it to! I have always waned to do a story like this and I got the idea after listening to 'The Last Night' by Skillet, it kept going through my head for a week so I had to type it! I hope I don't end up neglecting this story (I have horrible ADHD/ADD). Anyways, BYE!


	2. It's worse the SECOND time around

A/N: Hmm, I went through the last chapter and there were a zillion typos XD Teh drama starts in thees one, I vorn you! Also I am a horrible updater…some of my stories I haven't updated since last year XD but I won't do it to this one, I promise!

---------

I woke up and blinked my eyes as they adjusted to sunlight. Wow that was rare. I sat up and set my feet on the cold wooden floor. Then I got an idea. I was going to listen to music all day, mom was at some seminar in Seattle and Seth would be patrolling. I stood up and stretched before I out my slippers on and stood up grabbing a mixed CD with some of my favorite songs on it. I walked out my door and into the kitchen and popped the CD into the stereo and 'Old Time Rock and Roll' by Bob Seger began playing. Then the image of Tom Cruise dancing around in his underwear played in my head. I began singing along while I made some food. Eggs and pancakes yum!

"Uh, Leah what are you doing?"

"Singing, why?"

"Oh…"

"What are you doing here, Seth?"

"Uh, my patrol shift is over…and Jacob wanted to see you."

"When I'm done eating."

"But he said 'Tell, Lee, to hurry and eat then come see me'."

"Did he say anything else?"

"Um, yeah I think it was 'Love ya, Lee, now hurry your ass up!' and I believe that was it."

"Ha-ha, Seth."

"No, serious! Anyways can I have some?"

"Yeah, here."

I gave him a plate with eggs and four pancakes and he drenched _both_ the eggs and pancakes in syrup and ate them together. Yuck. I made myself three large pancakes, which were the size of the pan itself and a little bit of eggs. I ate the eggs first and then my pancakes and guzzled down a half liter of orange juice. I cleared up my mess and smacked Seth in the back of the head telling him to do the same. I ran to my room and pulled on exercise shorts and I ran out the back door saying bye to Seth. I ran far enough into the woods and stripped down to nothing and tied my clothes to my leg and phased and I was hit with Quil and Embry's thoughts and I had came in at the wrong time.

_Dude, Rosalie has nothing on Leah!_

_Embry, Leah will get old and have nasty wrinkles and saggy…_

_QUIL AND EMBRY I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!_

_L-Leah when did you…um phase?_

_Just long enough to hear you two talk about me! I'm going to kill you starting with QUIL!_

I saw Quil about five hundred feet away and I ran his way and tackled him. I held my teeth to his throat and he whined. Just as I did that I felt someone phase.

_Jacob! Call her off! Call her off!_

_Lee, get off him._

_He said I was going to get saggy boobs! No!_

_Lee…_

Fine!_ Quil you're lucky Jacob saved your pedophile ass or I would have ripped your throat out!_

_Quil, Embry, phase out I need to talk to Lee._

_Yes, sir Alpha sir!_

'_Kay, Jake._

They phased out and I saw Jacob come into the clearing I was in from the bush front of me, a goofy wolf smile on his face. I looked at him and sat down and wrapped my tail around my front paws. Jacob bounded over to me and sat in front of me.

_Lee, guess what?_

_You won the lottery?_

_No, I'm going to Alaska with the Cullens for a year._

I sat there, my mind absolutely blank and I felt short of breath. The Jacob spoke again even happier.

_I'm leaving you in charge of the pack till I get back, isn't that great!_

I was frozen, no, this wasn't happening…it…he was joking…no…I don't think I could do it. Even if he had imprinted I was happy just to have him near to me. I felt my heart beat quicken and I began panting, what a time to have a panic attack. There was a cracking sound and I knew it was my heart. I turned around and ran as fast as could towards the cliffs, rebuilding my walls that I had taken forever to build. When I was in the woods near the cliffs I phased back and put my clothes on. I went and sat on the cliff edge, not letting myself cry. Stupid fucking heart, that's what happens when you give it away to someone. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. That saying I went by it for a few years and now look what happened after I a gave up on it? I just wanted to feel a different pain and not the pain from my heart. I looked around and then something clicked after I saw a jagged looking rock. I picked it up and I sliced it into my wrist…it felt…like relief. I watched as the warm red liquid slid down my wrist. I watched as it started to heal slowly. I cut it again and it felt like a high or something. Then I heard a howl.

_Shit, just my luck…_

I threw the rock off the cliff and cleaned the wound off and the only thing evident was a faded scar. I heard rustling in the bushes and turned around. Jacob stood there and he walked towards me and sat next to me hesitantly putting his hand on mine. When I didn't pull away he left it there.

"Lee, it'll only be a year. What could happen in a year?"

"You're…right…" _Let's see in a year I could be dead from heart break…_

"Knew, you'd understand, one more thing I love about ya, wish I had a sister like you, you'd keep my ass in line."

He laughed and smiled, brightening my day, like my own personal sun. But he only saw me as a sister, I mean I understand why, he pretty much got his future wife handed to him on a silver platter.

"Yeah…a sister."

"I'm really going to miss you, Lee."

"Yeah, I'll…miss you too."

"Lee, we ought to get you home, yeah?"

"Sure…"

My mind was still in a haze. Jacob was leaving for a year…but sooner or later he would be gone forever and I would be here in La Push, getting old with saggy boobs, while he remained forever youthful. Jacob stood up, with my hand still in his and he pulled me and let go of my hand. It felt _cold_ and I felt incomplete. We walked into the woods and I went behind a bush a stripped and tied my clothed to my leg and phased. I began singing to keep my mind from wandering to places.

_Just take the old records off the self, I'll sit and listen to' em by myself…_

_Lee, what are you singing?_

_Today's music ain't got no soul; I like that old time rock and roll…_

_Lee, dammit, is that from the movie with Tom Cruise dancing around in his underwear?_

_Yep…still like that old time rock and roll the kind of music that soothes the soul._

_C'mon, Lee, pick something else? I don't want to see the image of Tom Cruise in his underwear._

_Take these words I say 'Will you marry me' to the grave…_

_Emo enough, Lee?_

_I knew you were the one, this blood is love…_

_Gees, Lee, creepy…_

_You, me, I do…let's float away and die…_

…

_You, me, I do, let's float away and die…_

_You have weird taste in music you know that?_

_Mhm, he learned a lot from watching you and I…lovely…_

_Okay! Lee, no more! If you're going to sing, nothing emo!_

_Fine, I'll sing Paramore._

_Okay, good._

_This heart, it beats, beats for only you…_

_Ugh._

_This heart, it beats, beats for only you, my heart it your's…_

_Okay, no more songs with screamo in them._

_Fine! Gees._

_Ugh, Lee, so grouchy._

_I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chap stick…_

_OKAY! Lee, what the hell is on your mind!_

_Nothing, I just like music._

I replayed the image of me singing and dancing around the kitchen to shut him up and he chuckled. I looked and saw I was by my house and phased not caring that I was in Jacob's vision, my pride was gone anyways. He turned around and gave an embarrassed barked and I put my clothes on. I look over and see Jacob coming out the woods.

"Wow, Lee, did you seriously do that this morning?"

"I like music."

"I can…tell…"

I walked in and saw Seth, Embry and Quil on the couch watching _'Prom Night'_ and I snorted. I walked down the hall and to my room. I closed my door behind me and laid on my bed. I was so tired and just when I was going to sleep, someone knocked on my door. I mumbled a come in and pulled the sheets over my head.

"Hey, Lee?"

"What?"

"I was thinking since the pack is here and all…"

"Yes?"

"That we could have the meeting about me and the trip to Alaska."

"…Um…yeah…"

I got up and glared at Jacob and he gave me a lopsided apologetic grin. I walked past him and he closed the door behind me. We went into the living room and all the boys looked at us.

"Pack meeting, I have important news."

"You finally got laid? About time, who was it? Leah?"

_No, Embry, I only _wish.

"No, actually, its about me, though."

"You're about to get laid?"

I hissed for Embry to shut up and I smacked him.

"You guys, I'm going to Alaska for a year."

"What! Why?"

It hurt even more to hear him say it again, just wanted to curl up in fetal position. Seth looked at him wide eyed and pouted.

"No, then who's gonna be in charge?"

"Lee, is, so you all have to listen to her, I'll call every week and get a report from her. If you act up for her, I'll come back kick whose ever ass is disrespecting, Lee."

"So, Leah's going to be Alpha? Then who's Beta?"

"Lee, will decide, so whose it gonna be, Lee?"

I stared at him blankly and shrugged and then something hit me, when was he leaving?

"Jacob…when are you leaving?"

"Two days."

I leaned against the door frame for support and gripped it. I nodded numbly and felt a jerk in my heart. He was going to leave, wasn't he? Seth looked at me a it read 'A what's wrong' look. I felt like someone had just beat my heart with a barb-wire covered sledge hammer.

"Well, this pack meeting it over, everyone go home…well except Seth and Lee since they live here. Bye, Lee! Bye everyone!"

Jacob hugged me and thanked me silently for being Alpha for him and he was last out the door. I blinked and walked back to my room and curled up on my bed. I heard Seth come in and sit on the edge of my bed, like he had when Sam left me. He began stroking my hair and spoke softly.

"Lee, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Seth, nothing at all."

"Lee, I know you to well, what's wrong, Sis?"

"I'm just in pain, that's all."

"Pain? Lee, tell me what happened."

"Its happening all over again."

It took him a while and then it must have clicked.

"Oh, no…Lee…when did this happen?"

"I don't know…it just happened. I feel as if I _imprinted_ on him, because it hurts ever time he's away. I don't think I'll make it Seth…its worse the second time around. It was so hard when he told me, it was so painful…I wanted to die."

"Lee, Sis, you don't mean that…"

"I do…you try experiencing this…not once…but twice.

"Lee, I never wanted to see you like _this_, again…maybe its only a phase, yeah?"

"M-maybe…"

It fell silent as he rubbed circles on my back and remember falling into a black abyss of sleep.

---------

A/N: Ooh, the very first _intentional_ cut! Many more to come! It happens in just about chapter ._. I'm so evil.


	3. Alcohol and Eating Disorders

A/N: Well this is the chapter where Jacob leaves! To the story! Also a random fact! I love CHEERIOS!

----------

I was in a daze, I watched as Jacob took his bags from the Cullen home. I noticed Seth was looking at me and he scooted closer and I leaned on him for support. I could feel pings of the pieces of my heart as they fell to the ground. Jacob walked out with his imprint, _Nessie_. She giggled when she saw me and reached for me. I backed away in disgust and she dropped her arms and Jacob gave me a sad look. Then…she spoke.

"Leah, you never seem to want to hold me why is that?"

Jacob smiled and looked at me.

"She's just so lovable, how could you not want to hold her."

I stood behind Seth and glared keeping my mouth shut. Then _Bella_, Mrs. I-get-turned-into-a-vampire-and-I-have-kid took, Nessie. What a vile name, she needed to return back to the Loch Ness where she belonged. How the hell was she even possible to be made? Vampires' organs were dead! I mean yes a man's body does not change like a woman's in order to reproduce, but sperm dies. I gagged at the thought. Bella walked away and Jacob gave me sad puppy dog eyes.

"Lee, I'm going to miss you."

"Oh, but you'll be fine, you have your child bride."

"Lee, what is wrong? You haven't been this mean since you joined my pack."

"What? You don't like the bitter, cold, bitchy harpy has returned? Aw, well get over it you'll be in Alaska."

"Seth, what's wrong with her?"

"She…"

I looked at him giving him a pleading looked and he bit his lip.

"She's just tired."

"Oh."

"No, its just that time of the month, oh well shoot it _should_ be that time of the month but I'm menopausal, well fuck."

"Lee, please don't cuss, Nessie can hear you."

"The sucks ass, doesn't it? Well she can build a bridge and get over it. I'm going good bye, Jacob."

I walked away and he whispered a 'bye Lee, love ya' and my heart disappeared completely. It's better to give a clean break, they say it heals fast. As soon as I got far enough into the woods I stripped, tied my clothes to my leg and phased. I was absolutely furious, I was blinded by rage, my vision tinted red. I wanted to maul something so _badly_, rip something to shreds, I wanted to see blood. Then it occurred to me, I just need to get home and into my room. When I got to the woods by my house I phased and put my clothes on. I walked inside and looked around to make sure no one was home. I opened the silverware drawer and grabbed the tiny sharp knife for cutting things out of fruits and veggies. I walked into my room and locked the door. I closed the curtains and turned on my desk light in the corner of the room and sat on the floor. I grabbed a dirty rag from the floor, just so I wouldn't get it on the floor. I dug deep into my wrist as blood trickled down the knife and my arm. The hit me, it was so strong, it smelled of copper and metal. How did vampires find this scent delicious? I heard a banging sound, what the hell, everyone just wanted to interrupt me, didn't they?

"Leah! Where are you, Sis?"

"Um, I was just doing something, I'll be right there."

"Are you okay? I smell blood."

"I cut myself on a nail, I'm fine."

"Alright,"

I took my key out of its secret place and unlocked my draw; I wiped the knife off and dropped it in the drawer. I wiped my arm off and watched the cut slowly heal. I dropped the bloody rag into the drawer and locked it putting the key back into its secret spot. I unlocked my door and saw Seth standing their.

"Leah."

"Yes?"

"What was that whole bitch fit about?"

"I just was giving a clean break, it'll heal faster."

"For him or for you,"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, you know he didn't deserve, so was it for _you_?"

"Yes. I just did to give myself a clean break. It just works easier that way, Seth."

"Leah May Clearwater."

I flinched as he used my full name and gave the 'you're-going-to-apologize' look.

"Leah, when he calls you are going to apologize."

"My Beta doesn't tell _me_ what to _do_."

I used my Alpha command and he recoiled. He just gave me a pleaded look and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Lee, that really hurt his feelings, just sleep on that."

He walked away and left me standing there. I walked to my bed and curled up into a ball, crying silently. I really hated my life, I just wanted to _die_. But I'd heal too quickly to actually die from blood loss.

--------------

_Two weeks_. Jacob has been gone for two fucking weeks and has not called once. I was lying on the couch lifelessly, I never got off the couch unless it was to shower, change or cut my pain away. Quil walked in with Claire and Embry behind them with Claire's dog Wolfy. Claire bounded over to me and set down a Tupperware dish.

"Aunty Leah, my Mommy made you chicken noodle swoop!"

Quil laughed at the way she said 'soup'.

"Its soup, Claire-bear."

"Oh! Well anyways Qwil ad Embry are gonna take me to da park! Bye!"

When Claire and Quil walked out Embry came in front of me and gave me a look of concern.

"Leah, you need to eat, you're losing too much weight."

"I'm fine, I don't have to eat."

"Yes you do, you can't jus waste away in the living room."

"I don't care anymore. There is no point in living."

"Leah, if you die, think about the pack, Seth, your mom. Think about _Jacob_."

He left after that leaving me alone. I heard Seth walk in through the backdoor and go through the fridge. My lifeless eyes staring at the blank screened TV and the only thing heard was the sound of my heart and Seth. He walked in and looked at me and he walked towards me.

"Aw, gees, Lee, when was the last time you ate?"

"Three days ago."

"What the hell? You have to eat; you can't starve yourself over Jacob."

"So? Just leave me to die, that's all I have wanted, for _years_. To be dead."

Seth sighed and left the living just as my phone rang. I picked it up and answered it in a monotone.

"Hello?"

_"Hey, Lee!"_

I gasped and nearly dropped my phone.

"J-Jacob?"

_"Sorry I didn't call last week, it was Nessie's first birthday."_

I hissed into the phone and resisted the urge to close it.

"Oh."

_"Anyways I called to see how you were and how the pack is."_

"I wouldn't know how the pack is; I just let them run amuck."

_"What! Lee!"_

"I haven't phased in a week and a half. I've been lying on the couch most of the time."

_"Lee, why haven't been giving them orders and why haven't you been phasing?"_

"I let Seth do the ordering."

_"Let me speak to Seth."_

"SEEEETTTTHHH! Jacob wants to speak to you!"

Seth came bounding into the room and took the phone and walked into the kitchen I heard him hiss into the phone I just ignored it.

---------

Seth's POV

Leah called me telling me Jacob was on the phone. I was so happy I grabbed the phone and took it into the kitchen.

"Hey, Jake!"

_"Seth…how's Leah?"_

"Uhm…s-she could be better…"

_"What do you mean?"_

"She hasn't been…herself."

_"Explain."_

"She won't eat, phase and only leaves the couch to bathe and change…sometimes she goes into her room for short periods of time."

_"Seth, I need you to take care of the pack and I'm going to come back to set her straight, just don't tell her."_

I hissed as I spoke.

"If you come back and leave again, it's going to kill her, you're her best friend, then you up and leave? She's a mess and it's _your_ fault."

It was quiet in the other line and I heard Jacob sigh. He spoke in a regretful voice.

_"I figured as much. Look I'll be there in a month, keep a close eye on Leah, if she does anything stupid tell me."_

"I will…"

_"Now, give the phone back to Lee, I want to talk to her."_

"Alright."

I walked back into the living room; Leah was still in the same spot I had left her. She was a lifeless rag doll. She didn't talk, eat, cry or anything, she just laid there staring at the TV. Weather it was on or off she just stared blankly with a dead stare. I walked over to her and passed her the phone and I took the container of chicken soup out the living room.

-------

Leah's POV

Seth handed me the phone and walked away taking the chicken soup with him. I put the phone to my ear and spoke emotionlessly.

"Hey, Jacob."

_"Lee, I really miss you and I put Seth in charge until you feel better."_

"Okay…?"

_"Anyways I'm going to visit in three months, you know I love you right?"_

"Yeah."

_"Aren't you going to speak more?"_

"I don't know."

_"Lee…No, Nessie not right now I'm on the phone…Sorry 'bout that, Lee."_

"Yep."

_"Lee, what did I do?"_

"Nothing I just don't feel good."

_"Eat something, maybe then you'll feel better, I know I do when I eat."_

"I'm not hungry."

_"Lee, I need to go, but remember I love you, you're my best friend."_

"Yeah, bye."

I clicked my phone shut before he could get another word in and I stood up and trudged my way to my room. I didn't even look at Seth, when I got into my room I locked my door and found my key unlocking the drawer. I pulled out aspirin and a bottle of Paul Masson brandy. I popped six pills in my mouth and took a big chug of the brandy. After that I took out my trusty knife, which was rusting from my blood not being cleaned off well. I was seeing double. I cut deep into my arm and watched the beautiful crimson liquid seep out the cut. I was in my own blissful happy moment. I popped four more pills and chugged more of my brandy. I was so thankful it was twenty-seven percent alcohol. I was able to get wasted faster and longer. Now if I could get my hands on that one drink that was ninety-five percent alcohol I would be happy. I was so fucked up right now; I could cry and blame the alcohol. I turned on my CD player and _'I Do Not Hook Up'_ by Kelly Clarkson began playing. The song of my freaking life.

_Oh, sweetheart put the bottle down; you've got to much talent_

_I see you through those bloodshot eyes _

_There's a cure and you found it_

I laughed, right a cure for heartbreak…well actually there is a cure, its called suicide, getting wasted or cutting yourself. I really could only do option two and three, as much as I wanted to do one. I dropped ever thing back into the drawer and locked it, I placed my key back and I laid on the floor watching the blood flow from my wrist, it was healing much slower, I was guessing since I was intoxicated or the fact I hadn't phased in over a week was slowing my wolf healing powers. I really didn't care, I just loved watch the blood flow from my wrist like a river. I laid on the floor and watched a tiny pool of blood formed from my wrist. It felt like heaven on earth, not feeling heart ache. I stood up and wrapped my arm up; I wiped the blood off my floor and threw the rag in the corner. I walked to my and curled up into a ball.

"Jacob…I wish you were here…"

I was practically sober and then my stomach began to churn, I was going to puke. I shot up out the bed and unlocked my door rushing out the room. I got to the bathroom and ran for the toilet. I flipped the lid up and began barfing out whatever my stomach was holding which wasn't much but I was still barfing. Seth came into the room and kneeled by me.

"Leah, are you okay? Oh, you _reek_ of alcohol. How much did you drink?"

"Half a thing of brandy by itself."

"Jesus, Leah! You know Jacob will throw a bitch fit if he finds out!"

I glared daggers at him and used my Alpha voice.

"He won't find out, because you won't tell him, that's an _order_."

He flinched but then challenged me and stared me dead in the eyes and I cussed silently, I forgot Jacob put him in charge till I got better.

"I will _tell_ Jacob and you can't tell me other wise. He's going to put your ass in line, Leah. You can't keep doing this."

I had never heard my baby brother use a authority voice on me before. I glared at him and before I could speak again I turned back to the toilet and puked. He sighed and spoke softly.

"Look, Leah if you stop this nonsense I won't tell him, promise?"

I had no intention of keeping the promise so I nodded and mumbled.

"Promise."

I heard my mom announce she was home and she walked in and gasped. She ran to me and kneeled next to me. She began rubbing my back like she did when I was little.

"Oh, Leah, sweetheart, are you, okay? I think you need to rest in bed. Come on let's go, baby."

Seth held me up and helped me to my room, I was told to lay in bed while my mom got me soup. I wasn't hungry, but I'd eat it for my mother's sake. I would just throw it up later, I wasn't exactly bulimic and I wasn't exactly anorexic, I'd say I was a little bit of both. I mean I hadn't started on purpose, it was more accidental. I had a stomach ache and Pepto-Bismol wasn't working so thought maybe puking out whatever my stomach wasn't agreeing with would help--it did. Now the anorexia happened because I was too depressed to eat. Now if I do eat a few hours later I make myself puke. I could always blame my 'sickness' for it. I was being reduced to a mess, I a sad excuse for a person, I just wanted to wither away and die. I wanted to be like a flower, just slowly wither away, but I'd still be leaving this world. I found inflicting self pain upon yourself got rid of pain others have inflicted on you and it was like a high. My life was falling into a black abyss anyways, so it didn't matter what I did. If I died people would be sad for a periodic time and then they would move on with their lives. Life moved in a constant circle, you're born, you live life and then die. I was only a infinitesimal creature in the world's time period, I would die eventually, more likely alone then anything else. But before I died I wanted to tell Jacob David Black I loved him, then I could die a happy woman.

---------

A/N: Yeah, I got the idea to give Leah eating disorders while I was babysitting…I am a horrible babysitter XD I think you guys will LURVE the next chapter =]


	4. Why does fate hate my sister?

A/N: This chapter is SO angsty it shouldn't be legal XD Lets see self harm to its max and no suicide attempts yet, sorry! Message to jacob-imprinted-on-me-hehe (since I was too lazy to actually PM back =]) you're welcome for the introduction to the song!

--------

I was fucking _forced_ to patrol, not only was I forced to patrol I had to patrol by myself because Team Pedophile wanted to take Claire to the park! I was wandering not paying attention to my surroundings when then I saw the Cullen home. Just my fucking luck. It hurt just looking at the house. I hated Edward and Bella for having Nessie. I hated Nessie for taking Jacob from me. But they made me realize that by taking him away I would never have a chance and I should build a bridge and get over it. I ran away from that place that held so many memories for me. I sat in a clearing and howled a long heartbreaking howl. I laid down and set my head on my paws, I was so exhausted and weak. I lost so much weight in three weeks, I ate in front of them but I would puke it out later on in the day. I would much rather not eat. Why I was losing weight baffled everyone, I told them it was my metabolism working to fast.

My skin was turning a ghastly color and I was becoming weaker. Every time Jacob called I couldn't talk to him. He had been gone for _five_ weeks and I only spoke to him _once_, it was killing me and Seth knew it. Why wouldn't he let me talk to him? I stopped think when I felt someone phase.

_Who just phased?_

_Guess who!_

I gasped at Jacob's voice and my tail unconsciously wagged. My ears perked up and I stood up my whole back end wiggling and I was like a puppy excited to see its master.

_Hey Jacob._

_Lee I haven't talked to you in forever!_

_Seth never let me talk or I was on patrol._

_I can't wait to see you in two months; I'll take you out to the movies or something, maybe dinner?_

I cringed as he mentioned food. But I didn't let that damper my mood.

_I can't wait either, Jacob. I uh…miss you._

_I miss you too, Lee! We're going to have a ton of fun._

_Yeah, so how have you been?_

_Pretty good, you know, Nessie looks like she's five now, she is growing up _way_ to fast._

I growled silently and my wagging stopped. I sat down and I fell onto my stomach.

_Uh…oh…must be fun watching her grow…babies are handfuls…_

_That's the thing, Lee! She has an exceptionally high IQ, I'm so proud of her._

My chest constricted and I bit back urge to cry. I just need to toughen it out. He would never love me; I was destined to be alone. On my death bed I would tell him that I love him.

_Lee? Are you there?_

_Yeah…I am…_

_Anyways, I never asked you, how have you been?_

_Well, pretty good, I feel lonely sometimes without your constant nagging._

_Oh, thanks Lee, thanks a lot._

_Actually I've felt…quite peachy, I guess. You know how it is, being in pack full of hormonal boys._

_Wow, Lee…SHIT! I need to go, Nessie's trying to eat a skunk, love you a lot, Lee._

_Bye, Jacob…_

_Bye, Lee._

His connection broke and it was silent, I wanted to slam my head into something. She _always_ got Jacob's attention, when would he realized I was madly freaking in love with him!? I stood up and walked to a tree to lie under to get out the rain. I felt sticky wolf tears come out of my eyes and I was whimpering. Then I realized I could slam my head into the tree, I wonder how many times it would take for me to knock myself out. Hey, I kind of sounded like that Tootsie Pop commercial, _'How licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?'_ but mine would be 'How many times does Leah have to beat her head into a tree to get knocked out?'

Well I was going to test that. I wasn't exactly use to this kind of pain, but I'd deal. I backed all the way to the other side of the clearing and ran full speed towards the tree. I hit it full speed and I felt blood pour down my head, matting my fur and getting in my eyes. I backed up again and repeated and I was still conscious. I backed up again and when I smacked head first into the tree my legs gave out underneath me, how ironic, three times to knock me out and three licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

-------------

**Seth's POV**

Leah had not returned yet and her shift ended three hours and I was going out to go look for her. I walked into the woods and stripped tying my clothes to my leg and phased. I followed Leah's scent towards the Cullen and then it took a sharp turn towards a clearing. I stopped dead in my tracks I smelled her blood, so thick and heavy in the air. I ran found her laying on the ground stark naked. I phased back and pulled my shorts on. She was face first in the mud; I pulled her clothes off her leg and put on our dad's old Pittsburg Steelers shirt on her. Nothing is more awkward than seeing your full grown sister naked. She was skinny, gaunt, pale and covered in blood. The only thing left of my sister was a shell of what she had use to be. Her breathing was shallow and she was so frail. What happened to my sister? I pulled my phone out of my water proof case and dialed Embry's number.

_"Hey, Seth! What's up?"_

"I need you to call Jacob."

_"What happened?"_

"I found Leah unconscious in a clearing; she's bleeding and is nothing but skin and bones. Tell him we need Carlisle."

_"All right, want me to send Quil?"_

"Yes, please."

_"Alright."_

"Thanks."

_"Yeah, bye."_

"Bye."

I felt Leah's pulse, it was there, but fading, fading ever so slowly. Was she attacked? What happened? I need to get her back to the house…but…man this was going to scar me for life.

"Leah would kill me if she knew I dressed her…"

Nothing more embarrassing then putting your unconscious twenty year old sister's shorts and underwear on for her…Jesus, this was embarrassing, well she probably tell me to suck it up and just do it. I closed my eyes and did my best, when I opened them I saw that it was right, so it was okay. Now I didn't know what I going to do about the bra…I so hated life right now. I nearly jumped out of my skin when the phone rang.

"H-hello?"

_"Seth, what the hell happened to Lee?"_

"I _don't_ know, Jacob! I looked around and saw nothing to help, its pouring out so it washed the scent away, I can't help it."

"_Dammit! I'm coming with Carlisle. Try to keep her alive, _please_; I can't live with knowing she died while I was gone."_

"I will, but, I'm in the middle of the woods, I'm about a mile from the Cullen home."

_"Okay, listen, by the door you'll see a rock, pick that up and there's a little black door, open that up and there's the key. Take her to Carlisle's study."_

"Okay, I will, is there anything else?"

_"No, just if she wakes, let her know she's my best friend and I love her."_

"Alright, how long do you think it'll take?"

_"Well…maybe three days? Wait…no a day, Carlisle just booked us a flight on a privet jet."_

"Alright, I'll see you then."

_"Okay, Seth, bye."_

"Bye."

I clicked my phone shut and looked around, stupid rain. It washed away any scent that could have been here. I looked around, I Leah's faded paw prints and that was it. She was by a tree, I looked at the tree and it had a large crack in it. Had Leah accidentally run into a tree? She has had a lot on her mind and she could had not been paying attention. Poor, Leah, she finally snapped, my once strong willed, level headed sister snapped.

"Oh, Lee, please be alright."

I picked her up piggyback style and started running, thank God for giving me speed. I could feel Leah's weak heart beat on my back. I was younger sibling, I was suppose to need the comforting, Leah was the older sibling and she was suppose to be helping me. She was such a wreck, she didn't deserve to suffer, before she became cold and heartless she was so kind. Always had a smile on her face and helped people, she would never hurt a fly. She was also helping with donations to charities and such, but that all changed after Sam left her for our cousin Emily.

I was so pissed at Sam and Emily; even though I was only thirteen it made me mad they hurt my big sister. I had to watch her change right before my eyes; no kid ever wants to go through that. She went from loving, to depressed to a cold bitter heartless harpy. I was still mad at Sam and Emily, but when she joined Jacob's pack I watched her change again. But it was for the better; she would smile a real smile and be kind. She would even tease me, like when she and Jake teased me about being dropped on my head and having gnawed on lead paint. I was happy to see that Leah again, care free and loving life.

I had finally had my sister back…or well until a few weeks ago. When Jacob left it was happening all over again, but she knew he imprinted and still fell for him. She fell for him _hard_. So hard that it's going to end up _killing_ her. She thought I wouldn't notice all the times she snuck out at night and into the woods. That I didn't notice her turning a sickly white or losing weight. I heard that howl she did today; it was so heartbreaking and pitiful. She was constantly changing and why she was changing was because of the men she fell in love with.

But you really can't help who you fall in love with. Fate was always cruel towards Leah, first her boyfriend of four years leaves her for her cousin/best friend. Second she isn't able to have children and she has always wanted children and third, she fell in love again with a "taken" man. Well a man who would be taken in six years when Ness looked seventeen.

"_Oooooohhhh!"_

"Gees, about time Quil got here."

I looked over and saw a chocolate colored wolf running next to me. I stopped and the wolf mirrored my movements. He walked over to me and nuzzled my hand and looked at me and then at Leah. He gave a low whimpering sound.

"I don't know what happened; when she wakes she'll tell us."

He gave a whimper and huffed.

"We're taking her to the Cullen house, alright? Go ahead I'll be there in a few minuets, I need to rest for a second."

He whined but ran off anyways, I shifted her weight and began running again and when I got to the clearing by the Cullen house I saw Quil by the front door in his cut off shorts. I walked to the door and he took Leah off my back and held her bridal style.

"She's so…skinny…"

"You mean you _haven't_ noticed?"

"I have but…I thought maybe she was sick."

"A shape-shifter getting sick?"

"Point taken…how do we get in?"

"A spare key."

I picked up the rock and opened a small black door pulling a key out. I opened the door and flicked the lights on and then had Quil follow me towards Carlisle's study. There was a bed there and we laid Leah on it. She whimpered and it shattered my heart, stupid fate. Why was it always so cruel to Leah?

"Hey, guys…"

"Hey, Embry…"

"Hi, Embry."

"She just gets worse every time…Seth…she's been eating right?"

"Yeah…but I think she developed an eating disorder…"

"Yeah…she was messed up when Jake left."

"Wait…what are you two talking about?"

"Quil, if you would have kept your head out of Claire's ass you would have seen."

"Seen what, Embry?"

"Exactly."

"Clue me, Seth?"

"Leah wasn't taking Jake's leaving well."

"Why, they hate each other."

"Uh…no they don't."

"Yeah they do Seth."

"No, they're best friends, wow Quil you're late by…six months."

"Really…?"

"Yeah, you idiot, gees sometimes you're worse then Jacob himself."

"Embry, Jacob is going to kill you for saying that."

"He won't know, Seth."

I sighed, and sat on the floor, my life sucked right now. These next twenty-four hours were going to be hell.

----------

A/N: Don't ask why I had Leah bang her head into a tree…because I don't even know why I did that. Uhm…there's nothing else…I don't think…


	5. MY Lee, well in my fantasies

A/N: Wow, I heard this cover version of 'Womanizer' by Lily Allen (she sings 'The Fear' and 'Smile') and it is so much better then the original! Check it out! Ugh…I'm sick as a dog, not it's not Swine Flu, it's only a Cold. Oooh! My berfday is on Monday! May 11th! I turn __ =] I no tell :)

--------

**Jacob's POV**

I was so jittery; I mean I could barely hold in my shakiness. Lee…my Beta was sitting at the Cullen home in Forks without medical attention. It was all my fault, she was so loyal to me, to my pack, she did things she didn't have to do just to make _me_ happy. Did I deserve it? No, no I didn't. If she dies I might as well be charged for murder. I'm slowly killing her and I was unconscious of it until Seth told me. He always has looked up to me and look what a bad example I'm putting up.

"Jacob."

"Huh, what," I looked and saw Nessie looking at me. "Hey, Ness,"

"Oh, my Jacob, whatever so is the matter? You have been lost in thought since you got the phone call from Embry."

"Yeah…my friend is in pain and she's waiting for your granddad to help her."

"Is this why we're all going back to Forks?"

"Yeah,"

"Is it…Leah, we're helping?"

"Yeah, she's one of my best friends…we have _a lot_ in common."

"I thought my Momma was your best friend?"

"She's one of them; you're one of them too."

"Oh! You're my best friend too! So is everyone in my family!"

"That's good…"

I stared out the window half paying attention, my poor Lee. Well not really _my_ Lee…unless she wants to be. Gees, what am I thinking? Lee would never want to be mine, it's just a fantasy I've been having for a while now. Okay…one I've been having my whole life, just minus the whole time I was head over heels for Bells. If I wasn't so 'Nessie-whipped' I think I could have tried to give Lee all I could give her. But those damned stars had other plans. All I ever do is cause pain for the women around me. I'm no better than _Edward_, gees I must be stooping pretty low. I'm as bad as the blood sucker himself, leaving a girl who cared for me to sit there and be miserable. I thought she would take it well or at least better than how Bella took it.

I'm such a idiot. Why oh why did I have to imprint, probably because I was an alpha and I had to pass the genes on. But I could _never_ ever in a trillion years think of Ness in a romantic way, I'm sixteen years older than her. I mean I know that saying 'age ain't nothing but a number' but really? I am not going to be like Hugh Hefner, I am good on that.

"Jacob!"

"Ah! Bells! What?"

"Have you been listening? I've been talking to you for twenty minuets."

"Uh…oh…sorry, a lot on my mind,"

"About, _Leah_,"

"Gees, Bells, you say Lee's name like it's the plague, she's my friend, nothing more, nothing less."

"I know, but I don't want you to change what fate gave you."

"I thought you didn't like that I imprinted on your daughter."

"I don't, but if fate says that your soul mate don't change that."

"It's all up to the imprint; all I am is a zombie or play piece in a chess game."

Bells laughed her now bell like laugh. I missed her old laugh; damn I was surrounded by perfection. No room for being imperfect in this family. To many distractions, I needed to call Seth and ask about Lee…_my_ Lee…no, Lee was not _my_ Lee, she was her own Lee. I'm turning bipolar, I swear. Stupid blood sucker was rubbing off on me. Great, I've officially gone crazy; I'm having a conversation with myself. Calling Seth right now.

_"Hello! Jacob."_

"Hey, Seth, how's m…Lee?"

_"She's doing well, we're getting her to eat, but she doesn't look so hot."_

"Did you tell her I love her?"

_"Yeah and she said the feeling is mutual."_

"Did you tell her Carlisle was coming?"

_"Yeah, but she sleeps most of the time so I rarely get to speak with her, she'd much rather speak to my mom."_

"Could you…maybe put her on the phone…well if Lee is up…"

_"She's up, one moment."_

I heard a door open and soft 'Leah' and him tell her it was me. When she spoke it broke my heart, she didn't sound like the Lee, I knew, she sounded defeated. I had caused all this, if I had _stayed_, she had healed while and I leave and look what happens.

_"Hey…Jacob."_

"Hey, Lee, you been sick?"

_"Yeah…I guess-"_

She began a coughing fit and she was wheezing. Her voice raspy and hoarse.

_"Sorry about that."_

"S'kay, Lee, it isn't you fault." _It's my fault, sweetie…_

_"Mm, I heard Carlisle was coming?"_

"Yeah, about that…"

_"What is it?"_

"I'm coming too, I couldn't bare you being sick…so I came…"

_"Oh, I see, how long will you be staying?"_

"As long as you need me, Lee."

_"Oh, I don't want to keep you to long, I know it hurts you from being away from…_Nessie_."_

She said Ness's name like it was a sickness or something. Lee hated imprinting so much, I didn't blame her though; it took so much away from her. I had hated it once, but when I experienced it, I saw why it was so great, but when you're away from the imprint you feel like a _slave_. A love slave, like how Odysseus was to Calypso, its all against your free will.

"Its okay, Lee, I'll bare it just for you, you're one of my best friends, so I'll do it just for you."

I heard a giggle snort and saw Alice looking at me and she made a heart with her thumbs and index fingers. I rolled my eyes and stuck my tongue out at her. When Lee spoke her voice sounded chocked.

_"O-ooh…but I don't want you…to feel obligated to stay because of me."_

"Ness will there too, but I'll spend most of time with you."

_"Oh…okay…uh…Jacob…I need to go…uh…bye…"_

"Bye, Lee, I can't wait to see you."

_"I can't wait to see you either."_

She hung up and I snapped my phone shut and rubbed my temples. I felt a tap on shoulder and saw the little pixie and she smiled at me.

"Hey, Jakeeee."

"What do want?"

"Oh, nothing, soooo, how's _your_ Lee?"

"_Shut up_."

"Aw! Someone has a crush! Adorable! Though I don't approve of you two-timing my niece."

"_What_!? She's one, ew!"

"I know I was just pulling your leg. So when has Leah been your's?"

"Never, now leave me _alone_."

"Aw, c'mon, Edward heard your thoughts; you've been crushin' on her most of your life?"

"Since I could remember, _yes_, now go _away_."

"No, I want all the juicy details, _pleaseeee_?"

"Alice, it isn't your business, she's never felt anything for me other than a friend and she never will."

"I don't know…I mean can you read her mind?"

"Yes, in wolf form?"

"But can't you all block your thoughts?"

"Yes."

"Alright then you don't know."

"Lee will never feel that way, why? Because I imprinted and I can never look at another girl, so its pretty much like being locked up."

"So what? You can't sleep with another girl?"

"_Alice_! What the hell? I'm seventeen!"

"So is Edward…or well physically, anyways, he's seventeen and his hormones are always raging! He and Bella are like rabbits!"

"Oh! Ew, gees, mental image is stuck!"

"Well at least you don't have visions about three times a day!"

"Alright! Alice! You don't have to tell out Edward and mine love life!"

I so fucking hated my life right now.

--------------

**Leah's POV**

I stared at the phone in my hands; it was so good to hear his voice. He was going to be _here_ with _me_. I could finally see him, feel him, smell him and know he was here and that it wasn't dream. I shifted on the bed and set the phone down and looked at the shirt I was wearing. It was one of Jacob's, it was a long sleeve. I loved this shirt, I always stole it from him and he'd get so pissed off. It smelled like him, like a fresh crisp autumn morning, ever since I turned into a shape shifter and had my smell improve I learned he actually smelled good.

"Lee, sweetie, Sam is here, he wants to speak with you…is that okay?"

"Might as well…"

"Alright, baby."

My mom walked out and Sam walked in, he sat in the chair next to my bed. He cleared his throat to let me know he was ready to speak. I was just silent the whole time.

"Lee-lee, I know you _admire_ Jacob but…"

"Mm…?"

"Well, he's imprinted and you can't…break that."

"I don't want to marry him, I know he's imprinted, now if this what you wanted to tal--"

I began coughing and I heard Seth come in shooing Sam out. God, I loved that kid. He began rubbing my back the way my Mom did when I was young.

"Gees, Leah, you know that when you start yelling now it makes you cough."

"I…don't care…it's douche…bag's fault."

"Sis, go to bed, when you wake up Jake might be here."

"Fine."

He chuckled lightly and left, I just laid down and fell into a sweet blissful dream about a certain Alpha male…

----------

A/N: Not to happy with this chapter but meh…whatever…anyways I officially know the real definition of torture and of accomplishment! Warning it's a TMI thing but whatever :)

**Torture** - Having to run a mile while being sick as a dog and its your monthly.

**Accomplishment** - Running a mile in 8:47min/sec while being sick and its your monthly.

Hah, you're all probably like 'WTF, TMI, EW!' that my friends, is real torture and accomplishment. Also I stole 'Nessie-whipped' from luv4ed, they've been giving me good pointers and stuff, THANKS! Bai!


	6. Jealous much, Jacob?

A/N: Oh, my gosh! At work a few weeks ago I got mauled by a cat! I know depressing but it hurt like a bitch! He took all his rage out on my hand just because he got his nuts chopped off -_-" Damn cat can go suck it! Anyways to the story :)

-----------

**Jacob's POV**

I was _finally_ back in Forks or well by Forks…anyways I was finally able to see Lee again. I had gotten Lee a stuffed animal, because contrary to belief about her being a hard ass she had a million stuffed animals. I do not lie about that, her room was _pink_, only Seth, her mom and I have actually seen her room. I have never seen so much pink in my life…I was surprised, to say the least.

"Jacob, hey."

"Hey, Seth…uh, what's with the whispering?"

"Leah is asleep; this is probably the most rested sleep she's got in awhile. So we must be quiet…what's the bear for?"

"Uh, Lee?"

"Oh and you got it in pink, she'll love it."

"I know, I made sure to get a giant one…she told me awhile ago she had a weakness for giant stuffed animals…"

"Yeah, well she's in Carlisle's study…well if you wanna see her."

"Alright."

I walked to Carlisle's study and found Lee asleep on the bed in there. She was curled up in the purple blankets and breathing lightly. I sat in the chair next to the bed and Lee shifted and I saw she was wearing my Daytona Two-Thousand-Four Jeff Gordon shirt. What was it with her and always shirt-napping this shirt? I didn't care since when I got it back it smelled like her. She smelled like orchards and roses. Lovely now I sound like a perv. I nearly jumped from my skin when she groaned and lightly kicked the blankets to reveal perfectly tanned legs…she wasn't wearing any shorts…that's Leah Clearwater for you. I think Lee, Seth, Sue and Sam would kill me if they knew what I was thinking right now. Yeah, Edward will probably tell Seth and I will be killed.

I sighed and moved some of Lee's hair from her face; I heard her sigh and curl up into a ball. I pulled the blanket back over her and sat the bear by her bed since it was too big to fit on the bed. Her rhythmic breathing calming, I pulled out a weaved bracelet and slipped over her wrist I tightened it so it wouldn't slip off her arm. I heard a knock and looked over and saw Carlisle.

"May I come in?"

"Uh, sure…go right ahead."

He walked over and looked over Lee and looked over her, since she wasn't awake he couldn't do a full look-over. Then just as he was about to walk out I heard movement and saw Lee getting up and sleepily rubbing her eyes.

"Mm…Jacob?"

"Hey, Lee, it's good to see you."

"Yeah…"

"Hey, Carlisle would like to look at you; ya know to make sure you don't have a concussion or anything."

"Uh…sure…"

Carlisle walked back over and pulled out his flashlight and shined it in her eyes, he wrote something down on a clipboard and then checked her reflexes. She listened to just about everything he said except when he said checking her pulse in her wrist.

"Uhm, there's no reason to my pulse if everything else is good."

"True, but I want to make sure. You know make sure it's not irregular."

"Maybe later…I have to use the bathroom and eat…so uh…yeah…"

When she was out of earshot Carlisle bent over and whispered in my ear.

"Keep an eye on her, something's not right."

"Alright, but for what?"

"Just anything suspicious, like self harm or something like that, she's trying to cover something, so just watch her."

"Okay…but Lee wouldn't hurt herself purposely."

"I know, but just in case."

"Okay…"

He walked out and I was left alone waiting for Lee. I wonder where she went, she said to eat so I would check the kitchen.

-------------

**Leah's POV**

I sat on the back porch and took a deep breath, way of NOT being suspicious Leah, damn. I should have just listened, and then I probably wouldn't be on watch…well maybe they didn't catch on. Wishful thinking.

"Hello, Leah."

"N-Nessie? What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to say hi, my Jacob is worried about you, you know. He was thinking so hard he would stop talking in the middle of a conversation."

Okaaaaaayyyyy, creepy. Mutant spawn talking to me….uh…dammit….

"Well there was no need for him to worry, now if it was you he'd be frantic, probably threatening people--err, vampire's lives. He was only worried…a little bit…"

"I do not know Leah, but if you call getting a privet jet to Seattle and then going down the highway at a hundred miles an hour, then I guess that's _not_ worrying."

"Nessie…uh…child…teenager…grown-up…person, if it was you he'd be on a killing spree…you're the reason why his feet are planted on the ground…"

I looked at the ground in front of me when I saw two little black dress shoes with white tights appear in my vision.

"Leah, you're his best friend, he cares deeply for you."

I sighed and grabbed her wrist which held the bracelet Jacob gave her.

"Uh, Ness, you see this bracelet?"

"Yes?"

"In my tribe, this is the equivalent of a promise ring. Do you know what a promise ring is?"

"Well, yes of course, it's a ring that signifies that they will always be with you."

"Exactly, you may not realize it yet but…in a few years…you'll fall in…love with him and…you'll be together…forever…"

"Oh, I could never fall in love with him, you silly goose. Don't worry; we can share Jacob, now I must go because Auntie Alice is giving me a photo shoot. Bye."

She walked off and I sighed, she sounded so smart. Promise rings…they're lies that men use to make a girl feel special or to get laid, I would know because Sam gave me one. That ring is somewhere at the bottom of the ocean now though. Why couldn't I be lying at the bottom of the ocean right now? Oh, right, everyone has a leash on me and is watching me like a hawk. Bastards.

"Lee?"

"Oh, hi, Jacob."

"I got you a blanket and maybe you could cuddle with the new stuffed animal I got you?"

"What! No way, can I see it?"

Just act Leah, he'll never know…

"Here, I knew you always wanted a giant teddy bear so…"

He pulled out the _biggest_ and _pinkest_ teddy bear I had probably ever seen. I could use the damn thing as a bed. It was _HUGE_. I took it from him and hugged it just to make it seem like I appreciated it. Don't get me wrong I did since it came from him, I'd appreciate anything from him.

"Thanks, Jacob."

I laid my head on it's large round stomach. My eyes looked at Jacob who was staring at the cloud covered sky that had a few patches for the sun to stream through. He looked distresses about something, but what though? I curled up in the fuzzy soft blanket and sighed. Life sucked.

"Hey, Lee?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Do want to go to Port Angeles in a few days? Maybe dinner and a movie or something like that?"

"Sure…that would be fun."

"Alright, I think we should go inside, Esme made us something to eat."

"I'm not hungry right now."

"C'mon Lee, its lasagna your favorite, made with extra cream cheese and I know how much you love it."

Crap, my all time weakness, might as well…

"Fine."

I was just getting cozy too, but then again the inside _is_ warmer…

"That's the Lee I know, can't resist lasagna."

I glared and stood up grabbing the blanket and Jacob grabbed my teddy bear. As soon as I walked into the house the scent of lasagna hit my nose full force, wow was that powerful, what'd she make enough to end world hunger? When I got into the dining room I sat at the table and a _ginormous_ plate was set in front of me. Was I expected to eat _all_ of this? Because my stomach has shrunk, I get full eating a cheese sandwich.

"Uh…thanks Esme…but isn't this is a little much…?"

"Oh, don't be silly dear, your's isn't nearly as much as Jacob's."

I looked over and she was right, if Garfield would have saw that he would have thought he had died and went to heaven. Jacob was shoveling it in his face while I took small bites. It was _soooo_ good.

"Gees, Lee, there's plenty more."

"I'm savoring the flavor, why? Because I get full easily."

"Since when?"

"I unno, I guess since I started eating only three times a day in smaller portions…"

"We. Wonder you're so skinny, Lee, you need to eat more."

"Oh, I didn't notice."

Then my eye caught something purple and sparkly on my wrist over the shirt. Where did that come from?

"So do you like the bracelet I made you?"

"Yes…it's very pretty, what's made out of?"

"I dunno something Alice…"

I heard the angelic squeal of Nessie saying 'Nahuel' and I heard Jacob growl. He stood up and I followed him into the living room where Nahuel was holding Nessie as she hugged him. When he spoke Nessie blushed. Jesus effing Christ, Son of the Holy freaking Spirit Jacob is going to cause world war three.

"Hola, Nessie."

"Hola, Nahuel, coma estas?"

"Oh, I am fine thank you; your Spanish is getting better."

"Oh, that is good; I was hoping it was getting better. Nahuel, have you met Leah yet?"

"No, could you introduce us?"

"Why yes, Nahuel, meet Leah, she is standing behind my Jacob and Leah this is Nahuel."

"Why hello, Leah."

"Err, hello, Nahuel…"

He shook my hand and then kissed the top of it, gees what is it the eighteen hundreds now? I heard a low growl emitting from Jacob's throat.

"Ah, hello, Jacob."

"Nahuel."

"Uhhh…"

I stood awkwardly behind the Jacob and I almost tripped over my feet while Jacob grabbed my wrist and yanked me towards the dinning room. I felt a extremely deep cut I had open and I yanked my wrist back.

"Ehehehe, uh, you surprised me."

"Sorry, Lee, I just don't really like the guy."

_Because he's competition for your dear Nessie…_

"Uh…oh, I see."

I felt the sleeve become damp and I hissed and put my hand behind my back. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard something smash and foot steps pounding up the stairs. Ah, yes Jasper.

"Aw, shit! Lee did I do that? I'm _so_ sorry! Here let me fix it."

"Uh! No! I mean, no, I got this, it's just a little cut, really. Some alcohol and band-aides ought to heal it and my freaky shape shifter-werewolf powers will help aid it too."

"Lee, c'mon, it has to be quite a bit of blood for me to smell it, a tiny cut isn't going to catch my attention. But this is quite potent."

"Oh, well maybe if I go outside it won't bug Jasper as much. After it heals I need a shower anyways, so uhm, I need to go uh get some clothes, you know shorts, shirt and all that girly stuff."

"Oh…_oh_, right, yeah…"

I noticed he turned a light shade of pink and that my friends is how to get some guys off your back. I held the bleeding wrist to my stomach and wrap my hand around it to slow the bleeding. I really just wanted to sleep now. I mean everyone was hounding my ass.

"So maybe…I'm going to go take a shower and yeah…"

"So, Lee?"

"Err, yeah?"

"I was thinking…maybe tomorrow we could go to Port Angeles and eat and maybe a movie or bowling or something like that…if you like? You know instead of waiting a few days…"

"Sure…sounds fun…"

"Sweet! We'll go at three o'clock if that's alright with you."

"Yeah…three okay, do I need anything formal to wear?"

"No."

"Alright, now I'm going to shower, see you in a bit."

Oh, joy, I get to go to Port Angeles tomorrow and it's not even a date. I hate my life, except for my family (my mom and Seth) and Jacob. This is going to be exciting.

---------

A/N: Sorry for not updating in FOREVER but right now I'm on vacation! Yeah, I took a train and I was able to type on the train, W00t, W00t! Also on another note I am a aunty! My friend had a baby, but I still hate kids XD Uhm, random thingy-thang! I watch this show called 'Bleach' and there are these people/hollow things called Arancar and there are these two called Ulquiorra (Ulk-ee-o-rra) and Grimmjow (Grimm-jo) and ohmigosh! They're English dub voice actors make their voices sound soooooooooo sexxah! XD Let's see what else…oh yeah on Sunday I'm going to the world's greatest amusement park it's called Cedar Point, yeah now you know where I'm vacationing, lol. Also yes it's been voted the world's greatest amusement park 11 years running! They have the world's second largest roller coaster in the world, stupid New Jersey's Six Flags… Anyways excuses over! Lol. Sorry for the sucky chapter and buh-bye!


	7. Poppin' Champagne

A/N: Ooh, I got the cutest haircut EVER! I got the whole 'emo' hair thing goin' and uhm; if you wanna see it just ask or add me on myspace, you'll have to PM me for the link. Anyways here it is another chapter! Also thanks to everyone who reviewed, there were so many I couldn't reply to them all, I feel special…education XD Also sorry for not updating in forever…its uhm Escape the Fate's fault! I swear! Muffins! I mean I'll explain more at the end ^_^'' gomenasai…

----------

I _hate_ vampires more than ever. Why you ask? Well let's see its about twenty-five degrees out and Alice the _dear_ is making me wear a mini skirt. Yes a mini skirt, even though it's November and freezing out. Not only is it a mini skirt, but it's a pink ruffle lace skirt, like the ones from Hot Topic. Figures a vamp would shop there. I was freezing; I had black tank on and a raspberry colored jacket from the Tripp brand. Stupid werewolf-shape-shifter warmth, where are you!?

"Lee, you ready?"

"Uh, yes,"

I blushed because I was literally ranting in to myself in my head. I followed him to _lovely _Bella's new Ferrari. I got in and so did Jacob, we buckle up and start off towards Port Angeles. The trip is always so long to me, I always fall asleep. I felt the need to sleep, since I haven't been sleeping well.

"Hey, Lee,"

"Mm?"

I look over at him, but his eyes are locked on the road.

"I want to know, where do you want to eat?"

"It doesn't matter, really."

"Alright, there's this new Asian buffet and I thought we could eat there."

"Sounds yummy."

He laughed slightly and flashed me a beautiful smile, God I _loved_ his smile. Scratch that I _loved_ him. As that saying goes 'the forbidden fruit taste the sweetest' and man I wish I could taste this fruit once. I yawned and shivered, and then I almost yelped when Jacob put his arm around and leaned me against him.

"You're freezing, so I'm warming you up, alright?"

"Uh, okay?"

I closed my eyes and I do remember dozing off somewhere in that time period.

I felt a light shake and someone saying 'Lee' over and over again. But Jacob was the only one who said Lee. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Jacob staring at me flashing that beautiful cloud white smile. Leaves me breathless every time.

"We're here, hope you're hungry, Lee."

Not really, no.

"Yeah, starving."

I pushed myself off his shoulder and open the car door and instantly got blasted by freezing air causing me to shiver, I slammed the door and then I feel Jacob wrap his arms around me.

"Just keeping you warm, since Alice decide to practically make you go out naked."

"I know."

As we walk towards the door an old couple walks out and I hear the little old lady say 'Aww, young love' I glance at Jacob because I know he heard it too and he was blushing. He was probably embarrassed. He's probably quite repulsed right now just thinking about it. When we walk and Jacob pays saying ladies don't pay on a 'date' and an Asian lady seats us at a table for two.

"Really Jacob, a date? What a lame excuse, I can pay for myself you know."

"Aw, c'mon Lee, it's my treat, since you're such a good Beta."

"Really, is that how you feel?"

"Don't judge me, Lee."

"Well I just did, almighty Alpha."

"You're real cute Lee real cute."

"Thanks! I get that a lot; you're not to bad looking yourself."

I laugh as he blushes and mutters thanks, I get up and walk towards the all you can eat buffet. I feel sorry for our waitress because she's going to have fifty plates and sadly forty-nine will be from Jacob. I grabbed what I wanted and sat back at the table and watched amusedly as Jacob came balancing three plates.

"Gees, Lee, is that all you're eating?"

"Yes."

"I will make you eat more, so you better make room."

"But Jacob…"

"No buts, you need to gain weight, alright?"

"Fine…hey what's that you're eating?"

"Mm, this? This is Sesame noodle with Sweet and Sour Chicken, why?"

"Can I try a bite?"

"Yeah here."

I took a bite off the fork and it was probably the best Asian cuisine I have ever had.

"Mm…that's delicious."

"Hey…Lee?"

"Hmm?"

"How do you uh…tell if a girl likes you? Or how can I drop hints to her?"

"Well, the way you can she likes you is if she bats her eyelashes at you twice then complements you."

"Okay, an example?"

I batted my eyes twice in a row.

"I've never noticed how amazing your eyes are, Jacob."

He blushed and stuttered as he spoke.

"T-that was…a-almost believable Lee…"

"I am a good actress."

I brought my hand and accidentally tapped his.

"Don't move your hand; if she does this and doesn't move her hand, she's dropping hints. If she's looking at your eyes, don't break eye contact."

"Uh, what do I do if it's been there awhile?"

"Slowly, ever so slowly begin lacing your fingers together, now I know this will sound dorky but it works every time. I'm going to give you more compliments, alright?"

"Err, okay?"

I picked his hand up and looked at him batting my eyes.

"Wow, Jacob, you're just so mature and handsome. I love it when you smile…"

I let go and smiled.

"See that's how it's done."

"Wow, Lee, that was believable and wow…I'm speechless…"

"Well work on it, surprise me whenever, alright? Don't worry I'll also surprise you."

"After we eat, we'll go to first beach?"

"Sure, whatever floats your boat."

When we finished the eating and what not we headed back to the car, but it literally took and hour and a half. It was worth it though, I mean my little lessons made me felt as though he liked me, made me feel loved even just for a moment. As we walked to the car I shivered and was again in Jacob's warm embrace, I could get use to this. Dammit…I can't make stupid impulses…think of something cute…puppies, kittens, tigers, cubs, wolves, alphas, Jacob, aw shit. I am a hopeless wreck. Okay, music, there is no _way_ in hell that will lead to anything about Jacob. Okay, let's see, I Am Ghost, Escape the Fate, Black veil Brides…uh, Cascada, Miracle, because the Night, Bad Boy, Jacob…I am going to scream.

"Uh, Lee?"

"Yes?"

"You look like you're going to kill someone…"

"Oh, do I? Sorry I was just uh…thinking about how someone played me in the tenth grade…"

"How?"

"Uh, they poured…raw eggs on my head! Damn senior prank day."

"Really? That sucks, I was in eighth grade at the time huh?"

"Yes."

"Well that sucks, I could have taken a picture."

He opened my door and I hopped in a buckled up. This was going to be a long awkward ride home. Well I could take a nap. I laid my head on Jacob's shoulder and yawned.

"Tired Lee?"

"Mhmm."

"We could always go back to the Cullen's' home?"

"No, I'm fine, honestly."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, just let me, _yawn_, take a nap and wake me when we get there."

"Alrighty, Lee."

"I'm using you as a pillow weather you want it or not, got it?"

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

"Don't get smart."

"I'm not, but sometimes I feel as if you're the Alpha Lee and not me."

"Well, _yawn_, I am."

"Sure, sure."

I probably fell asleep five seconds after my head was on shoulder, but I wouldn't know because sleep comes when you least expect it.

When I woke the car was parked, but Jacob wasn't inside of it, first thing that came to mind was I was dissed. If he did so help me God, because I will neuter him and he won't be on painkillers. Then I noticed the car was on and so was the heat, so that kills that idea, good. Then I head a voice outside the car and I looked to my left and saw his back against the window. Oh…so he was on the phone. I knew that the whole time. I opened up the door and stepped out, man it was FREEZING! Yes I am a hundred seven point nine degrees but still, I'm cold.

"Hey Jacob."

He turned and grinned at me and spoke into his phone.

"Hey, Seth, I need to go Lees' up…no…SHUT UP…oh you're real cute Seth, real cute…no, I don't roll that way, you know what bye."

He hung up and walked around the car and stood next to me.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"I wanted you to sleep."

"I was fine, Jacob, you don't need to worry about me."

"Well I do, its just something I do…"

"Thanks, don't forget to practice your moves on me."

He grinned and rolled his eyes, then he winked.

"Oh, I won't I'll just give you my element of surprise."

"You're so full of yourself you know that?"

"Its 'cause I know I'm sexy."

"Sure you are."

"You'd know you'd hit this."

"Damn right I would."

"See."

"Yea, with a car."

"Oh, hardee-har-har."

"C'mon lets go."

"Okay, okay."

We walked down the board walk and stepped into the sand…which was frozen. I shuddered from being cold and wished that I brought pants to change into after we left.

"Lee, you want my jacket?"

"Yes, please, you are a life saver."

"Doing my job."

He shrugged off his jacket and passed it to me and man it was like a dress on me. No, really, I was five nine and he was six seven, major height difference. Not that I really cared though, it was so warm. We continued walking and talking, we talked about many things, such as foods, politics, sports and music. Somehow it went from music to The Hulk (you know the wrestler) to _Nessie_. I swear I vomited a little. He went on and on about her and I silently prayed for some psycho killer to come out of nowhere and kill me. When I mean kill I mean fast to put me out of my misery, which reminds me of a song. That one song by Paramore, oh what's it called? Let's see, I need to hum the lyrics in order to remember._ I never meant to brag but I got him where I want now…_

"Lee?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are you humming Misery Business?"

"I was trying to figure the name of the song and humming it usually helps me?"

"Oh, I see."

After that it changed the topic, thank God to another dreaded topic for me, love and soul mates. All I have to say is, if anyone sees cupid, I want them to bitch slap that little punk for me. He hated me. I mean if werewolves and vampires exist I know his punk-ass does too. Oh he's on my bucket list of people to kill, right after Miley Cyrus and the bastard who came up with High School Musical. Then I noticed Jacob was using the flirting skills I taught him, I'll just act oblivious. We began talking again and I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking and well, I tripped over a rock and fell flat on my face. Plus I injured a boob, it was stabbed by another rock.

"Oh, gees! Lee are you alright?"

"Instead of standing there…"

The wind decided to blow really hard and blew my skirt up, I hated life right now. I quickly flipped onto my butt and held my skirt down. Jacob was blushing a bright pink, he's seen me naked before, this shouldn't be new to him, then again my undies are Victoria Secret and they're lacey, but not see through, thank God!

"Help me up, now."

"Oh, uh, yeah!"

He pulled me up and just then I heard familiar song.

_Shut up and put your money where you mouth is_

_That's what you get for waking up in Vegas_

Then it hit me, duh, my phone, I pulled it out my bag and flipped it open.

"Hello?"

"Leah!"

"Ow, uh, who is this?"

"It's Rachel! Silly."

"Uh, Rachel…hi…how'd you get my number?"

"My baby brother's phone, you're on his speed dial."

"Creepy."

"Yeah, anyways have you seen him?"

"Yes…why?"

"I need to speak with him."

"Uh, okay he's right here with m--"

"What!? He's with you!? Are you on a date and will I be an aunt anytime soon!?"

Shoot me now.

"Err, yes, no and no."

"Oh…"

She sounded disappointed, oh well I passed my phone to Jacob and he gave me a quizzical look.

"Its your sister."

"Which one?"

"Not my favorite one."

"Oh, Rachel?"

"Yes."

He took the phone and began talking, I liked Rebecca or Becca or Becky, she had fifty different nicknames. Why? Because she spoke her mind, the opposite of her twin. Becky was the kind of girl who was like 'fuck it' if she didn't want to do something. I mean Rachel was to clingy, _way_ to clingy. I mean…

"Oh shit!"

The biggest fucking grizzly I ever saw walked out from behind some rocks about fifty feet ahead of us. I mean I wasn't scared of the grizzly, it surprised me. I heard Jacob hang up on his sister because she was yelling and he gave me back my phone.

"Hey, Lee?"

"Yes?"

"Do assign ringtones on your phone?"

"Yes?"

"What's mine?"

"Uh…"

"C'mon tell me."

"No."

"Fine, I'll call you."

"I'll put it on silent."

"I'll take it away from you."

"If you can catch me."

Thank God I wasn't wearing heels like Alice suggested, instead I wore black All-Stars Converses. I dashed off (the opposite way of the grizzly of course) and he was far behind me. I knew track would pay-off and those ballerina classes too. Tutus are so uncomfortable, I mean you can't even wear undies with them. Okay when you're three its all 'YES! NO UNDIES!' but as I as I got older it got embarrassing cause yeah…I won't go into detail.

"Lee, get back here, I just wanna know your ringtone for me!"

"You don't have one!"

I shot a smirk and I jumped over the log that was in my way. It was smaller than a hurdle so yeah, I was almost to the car. I would lock him out, I mean the keys our in his _jacket_ pocket and I was _wearing_ said jacket. I turned around and didn't see him. What the…

"Ah! Get off me!"

The bastard popped out of nowhere. Not only that but he tackled me and I landed in a _freezing_ puddle of water, you would think it'd be frozen.

"Hey, Lee."

"Okay, this water it not warm, actually it's the opposite."

"Oh, sorry, gees, you're going to get sick."

"Take me back to my house so I can change, because I am not going to wear what Alice has in store for me."

The skirt was soaked then noticed the awkward position we were in and I pushed him off.

"Ow! What the hell was that for!?"

"I…couldn't breathe?"

He rolled his eyes and stood up pulling me up with him then he stole my purse! Oh hell to the no. Before he could to far I jumped onto his back snatching my purse in the process and ran off towards the car. When I got in the locked the doors and quickly changed his ringtone, he doesn't need to know I like Taylor Swift, I changed it to Headstrong by Trapt.

"Lee, let me in!"

I unlocked the door and got into the driver's seat and glared at me snatching my phone away. I snickered when he played the ringtone for him.

"Really Lee? Is that how you feel?"

"Yep."

I snatched my phone back and began playing random songs. Jacob groaned as The Hamster Dance played.

"What you don't like singing hamsters?"

"Its annoying."

"It's the brand new version of the--"

"Lee, no, shut the song off or change it."

"Fine."

I clicked down and it was my song Goodbye by Kristina DeBarge, yeah, I listen to some R&B. I some how found this song looking for something else, then I got hooked.

"I'm so over it, I've been there and back, changed all my numbers and just in case you're wondering."

"Uh, Lee, what the hell is this?"

"Goodbye."

"Uh…what?"

"The name of the song is Goodbye. Smart one."

"Ha-ha."

"I got that new I'm a single girl swag, got me with my girls and we're singin' it."

"Wow, Lee, uhm…nice…song…but happened to your usual music…the screamo stuff…"

"What, I can't like this 'cause it isn't screamo?"

"No, I'm just sayin…"

"Alright then, now let's get me home 'cause I'm freezing."

"Fine, you're so bossy."

"Boo-hoo, you're so bossy."

"Bite me."

"Sorry, I'm not Nessie."

"Ha-ha."

He drove out of the parking lot and towards my house. I went into my phones main menu and opened up the internet. I needed to check my email. There was nothing, oh well. I am literally the most unloved person on the face of the planet; maybe I should get a dog, maybe a Whippet or a Greyhound. Yeah…I think I'll get a dog, name it something badass like Santana, in honor of that badass guitarist. Question is what kind of dog? Maybe a Pit Bull Terrier, yeah Pits are so misunderstood, I could totally relate to one, maybe rescue one from that Michael Vick's case. Then I wouldn't have to think of a name, I am a genius…okay maybe not but still. Yeah I think I'll get a Pit and shall name him Mini-Me…okay I will never do that again for as long as I live. But I will get one, weather its from the Vick's case or not I want one, maybe a red nosed pit or a blue eyed one. Hmm, maybe one that's fast. I feel like chocolate chip cookie dough mix now, oh great, now I'm craving chocolate and I can't even menstruate, damn it. I don't even _like_ chocolate…okay dark chocolate but chocolate is to sweet for me. Like those Cadbury eggs, way to sweet, but that clucking rabbit is genius. I'm having conversations with myself I think I've officially lost it, hey if I ever get charged for murder I can plead insanity! Oh sweet…

"Lee…Lee? Lee!"

"Clucking rabbits!"

"What?"

"What is it, Jacob?"

"Uh…you're home…"

I stepped out the car and we made our to my front and unlocked the door.

"Oh, yeah, here's your jacket."

I pulled the wet jacket off and it came off with a pop. Eww, wet leather made weird sounds. When I went to pass Jacob his jacket and looked at my wrist. Some bandage was showing. I quickly put my hand behind back and started unlocking the door.

"Well I had fun Jacob, see you tomorrow."

As I turned to walk away Jacob grabbed my wrist and pulled up the sleeve.

"Lee…what's this?"

I glared and pulled my wrist back.

"Nothing."

He looked at me and spoke in whisper.

"Have you been…cutting yourself?"

His voice sounded so _broken_. Like as if he was the one with a fucked up life. The moments passed in silence until I finally got the balls to speak. Scratch that I didn't have the balls to speak; it was only a whisper, a sad pathetic whisper that was screaming 'FIX ME, FIX ME! IF I RUN AWAY CHASE ME! I LOVE YOU GOD DAMN IT!!'

"Its none of your damn business, Jacob. If it was I would have went to you for help."

I turned heel but glared at him. But my heart was screaming at him, to come after me. My mind telling me to go back. But I didn't listen; instead I slammed the door in his face. I locked it and I stripped out of my clothes in the living room. The clothes only making my shoulders feel heaver with the guilt. I picked up the sheet lying on the couch and wrapped it me around till I got to my room. I went to the kitchen a grabbed one of my dad's bottles of Champagne. I just needed a nice drink. I may not get wasted, but I guess feeling a buzz would be nice. I needed to get out of this town, this state, this life. I grabbed a wine glass and walked to my room. I locked my door and closed the curtains, I went to my dresser grabbing undergarments, girl boxers and a wife beater or was it white beater? I don't remember. I put them on and laid on my bed.

I grabbed my stereo remote and pressed the five so would it play disc five. Then the song 'Poppin' Champagne' by All Time Low began playing. Just the song I needed. Jacob had me poppin' Champagne. Maybe I should pull a Remembering Sunday and be thousands of feet above Jacob's head…

I remember falling asleep (or maybe passing out is better choice) somewhere between 'Knives and Pens' and 'The Kill, Rebirth'.

-------

A/N: Ehhh for starters the songs!

Knives and Pens - Black Veil Brides. The lead singer Andy Sixx is most gorgeous man in the world, more gorgeous than my future husband Craig Mabbitt. Andy has these icy sky blue eyes.

The Kill Rebirth - 30 Seconds to Mars. Its an awesome song.

Remembering Sunday - All Time Low. Its pretty much about the girl leaving on a plane, but Leah means being thousands above of feet Jacob's head in a different way *cough cough* Listen to the song you'll get it.

Poppin' Champagne - All Time Low. It fitted, hence the name of this chapter.

Okay, explanations, its been a few months, huh? Sorry. Okay I blame ETF for a reason; I have a demon called 'The Inner Fangirl' sad I know, she takes over sometimes. Anyways, anyone who has ever heard the song 'Situations' by Escape the Fate (when Ronnie was still lead singer) should know the lyrics. So the lyrics go 'I know you love to resist and all it takes is a kiss' so oh so beautiful Max and the very hot Craig came up with the idea they should kiss when Craig is suppose to sing kiss. That nearly killed me! I know what you all are thinking 'What a stupid reason, damn yaoi/slash fangirl' but I nearly got my head cut off! I have a fan next to my bed and when I fell off the bed my head hit the fan. The metal part in front of the blades came off and that is how I almost got my head chopped off. Also the Muffins thing, look up 'Escape the Fate Talks: Cupcakes or Muffins?' and you'll understand!

Onto the next reason. Black Veil Brides. I fucking love that band now! I just got hooked on them about two months ago. I can name every member, even the new ones they got about a week ago. Andy Sixx (he's so GORGEOUS!) Sandra (she's bad ass, only female in the band!) Chris Hollywood (hot!), the newer ones Ashley (I thought HE was a SHE.) and Pan (oh I love him already!) So yep.

Also my big sister was visiting before her happy ass went off to College, technically she's a sophomore already but she bunks with the freshmen, she was in Early College and already got her Associates degree at 17 (now 18).

Uhm, I think I'm done, sorry if it sucked. So there, is everyone happy? Trust me, you will LOVE the next chapter! I'll give you the name of it. 'Love, the slowest form of suicide' yeah, yeah I'm emo, don't judge me. Also listen to the band Black Veil Brides, listen to Punk Goes Pop Vol. 2 (or I kissed a Girl by Attack! Attack!) and remember children, R.A.P

Retards

Attempting

Poetry

!!!


	8. Love Is The Slowest Form Of Suicide

A/N: WOW! That's all I can say. Over 5,000 hits, 62 alerts, 42 faves, a little over 100 reviews, wow. Thank you everyone! Sorry I didn't reply back to every review, but I only reply back to the ones that make me laugh or something like that. I have sick sense of humor. Hmm, by the way, I'll be doing a new thing where I give out names of songs you should listen to, why because music is my life and I would probably kill myself if there was no music, no I seriously would. I am just that hardcore emo XD Uh, hmm; I think that's it to the story, more stuff at the bottom!

**WARNING: Do not try the following at all. If one you guys attempts what Leah is going to do, don't blame me.**

------------

I heard an annoying beeping sound when I awoke, my eyes were still closed but there was a very, _very_ annoying beeping sound. You know like when you're asleep and you hear the alarm go off in your dream and you don't know what it is kind of annoying. Well, that was probably it, my alarm was going off, I could have sworn I shut it off. I opened my eyes and noticed that I was not in my room, the walls were a pale lavender and my walls are pink and white. I sat up groggily, which I regretted because I had a major fucking hangover. My head was killing me. I looked around and I knew where I was. I was at Dr. Dracula's home. Okay, how the fuck did that happen? I remember Champagne, music and passing out. Now how…

"Lee."

Fuck.

"Eh…what,"

"You have some explaining to do."

Where the hell did he come from?

"I have nothing to tell to you."

"Really? Then what's this?"

He snatched my wrist up and I hissed in pain. That hurt like a bitch!

"Its none of _your_ business, what I do with my body is none of your concern."

Oh, that came out wrong, really, really _wrong_.

"Lee, what have you been doing then?"

"If you're think I sleep with men for money you are wrong. I am not Bella _dear_."

He sighed in frustration and then he really snatched me out the bed, by the wrist, which of course started bleeding. Thank you, Jacob. I pulled my hand back and applied pressure.

"Oh, good job Jacob! That hurt like a fucking whore!"

"It's your own fault."

"My fault? It's _my_ fault?"

"If you didn't cut yourself then we wouldn't be talking about this now would we?"

"Well maybe I have my reasons! Maybe I did it because I'd much rather have a flesh wound then a heart one!"

There I go again! DAMN IT!

"What?"

"Nothing, it was nothing at all."

"Lee."

"Jacob, its NONE of your business so stay the fuck out of it!"

"C'mon Lee…"

"No! Not anymore I don't wanna hear it anymore! Just leave me alone, quit trying to help me, I am not _broken_!"

I can't remember what happened next except I phased and jumped out the window. There was so much glass and blood. There was large piece in my back left leg. When I landed it hurt like bitch. I was running on three legs, which slowed me down a lot. The odds of me getting away were not in my favor. I was praying for rain, to wash away my scent, I just wanted to get away from it all. I wanted lightening to strike me down. I stopped short after hearing a howl. My eyes darting all around. If someone phased, wouldn't I have felt it? Unless…

_Leah! What are you doing!? Get back here!_

_Shut up Seth! Can you guys just leave me alone!?_

_No you're my sister; I'm with you through thick and thin!_

_I don't care, just go away!_

Then all of a sudden there was click and all was silent, did I some how break away from that pack? If that was so, maybe I could…you know I am not needed, I should really just kill myself…I think…I think the world would be a better place without me if I did. I mean, Jacob be with his…his…imprint and would…never…have to worry about…breaking…her heart. Why does that hurt so much to admit? I just need to face the facts, I just need to die, I need to end my miserable life so everyone can be happy. But how? I would heal to fast. How could go about killing myself…wait, what about those muscle relaxers? I bet that would slow down the healing process. That would mean I'd have to go to my house, would if they're waiting for me there? But that would be the last place I would want to go. Wait that's it, they would think that, so they wouldn't be there. I am so clever.

_**BANG**_

I jumped when the thunder struck and rain began to pour. Wow, luck was on my side. I stopped and peeked from behind the bushes that were behind my house. I saw the bag of clothes I left for myself just in case I exploded into wolf. I limped to my porch and grabbed the bag with my teeth and retreated back to the woods. I dug through the bag with my muzzle and pulled out shorts and a shirt. Of course, I forgot to put undies in there. I really dislike going commando. I'll just put some on when I'm in the house. I phased back and slipped my clothes on and hopped one footed to the back door. I grabbed the key from up top the door ledge and unlocked the door and put the key back. I peeked inside and listened for any sound, no scent of other people, just how home has always smelled.

"Well, just my luck."

I muttered. I went to the cabinet and grabbed a green bottle and then I opened the drawer pulling out a sharp knife. I hopped to my room and closed the door and locked it. I went to my dresser and grabbed my undergarments and stripped putting on the garments and clothes. I felt much better. I grabbed the half empty bottle of brandy and my messenger bag dropping everything I needed in it and my mp-three player. I would get half wasted and listen to music, what a awesome way to die, no really. I mean not many people know when they're gonna die and it could be music-less and alcohol-less. Music plus Alcohol is probably the best way to die, plus a little blood. Okay maybe a lot. I peeked through my curtains and saw nothing just a sprint and I would be at the beach, problem was is my leg is fucked up. I looked down and saw the glass was still there. So I did what any normal person would do, I ripped out.

"Ssss! Fuck! That hurt like a whore!"

I dropped the bag and pressed both bands on my left thigh. I limped to my desk and opened up a note book and grabbed a pencil. I quick scribbled a note to Jacob; the note had a big bloody hand print on it when I almost fell. Oh well, he would have to deal. I set the now blood red pencil down and grabbed my bag, I unlocked my door and then turned heading towards my window. I unlocked it and opened it up; I set both hands on the windowsill and hoisted myself up leaving more bloody hand prints. Pellets of ice cold rain hitting me, I closed the window and looked around; I hopped out the bushes and darted towards the beach, ignoring the unbearable pain in my leg.

I slid into the bushes and began crawling to my favorite part of the beach people barely went to. There was a small ledge that lead to a shallow part of water that went to my spot. It was secluded. The water was freezing; I waded to a small area surround by rocks, like a cove of some sort I guess. I walked onto the sand and underneath a stone shelter of sorts.

"Ugh, I'm freezing. I hate this, I wish I had a gun, just blow my brains out…or would I have a mess to clean up?"

I sat there digging through my bag and I nearly gasped a picture fell out. How on Earth did that get there? I remembered that day, Quil and Embry tried to play cupid and they tripped me and I fell on Jacob and they got a picture. Bastards. I tucked the picture away a silent sob escaping my lips. I grabbed the blade and watched it glint as lightening struck. It was now or never, really, why did I even bring that brandy? I don't even want to be drunk now; I don't need a hangover in hell. I pulled the bottle out of the bag and threw it as hard as I could into the rocks, a loud smashing sound echoing off the walls. Fuck it, I pulled the muscle relaxers out and poured only lord knows how much in my mouth. I remember the was bottle of water I had and began chugging.

I grabbed the knife and just began cutting my arms and legs, the more cuts the better. I slid towards the water and used my bag as a pillow, the water making the bleeding worse and the salt from it stinging me. Then everything began feeling so heavy, I had trouble just picking up mp-three play and putting in my ear buds. I turned it pressing play a listening to whatever song it was, I'm too tired to even remember. I was just…so…sleepy…suddenly...

---------

**Jacob's POV**

My mouth dropped as I saw Leah jump out the window, what the _fuck_ was she thinking? I ran out the door and down the stairs past everyone and slammed the door open. She was so stupid! What the fuck…hell, shit, damn it! Son of a bitch! As soon as I got into the woods I began stripping throwing clothes off and I phased, letting howl rip through my throat. Why couldn't I hear her? I felt someone phase and it was Seth. I heard Seth talking to someone, but who and why couldn't I hear? I heard Seth but that was it. Then I realized he was talking to Leah! Then all of sudden he was quiet.

_Seth?_

_She…she broke her connection from me…_

_She what!?_

_Didn't you hear her?_

_Uhm…no…_

_She broke her connection with you too…_

_Hey, Jake what's up?_

_Yeah, Jake, I was with Clair-bear._

_Leah…broke off from the pack and…ran away._

_Say what!?_

_Yeah. _

_Where do you want me to search?_

_Well, Quil, go search the boarder, Embry go search by Forks and Seth you're coming with me._

_Okay!_

Quil and Embry spilt in opposite directions from me and Seth and I went straight ahead. I had Leah's scent when all of sudden thunder struck and rain began pouring. Damn it! Just my luck, he scent was slowly fading when I came into view of her house. I stopped when I noticed a blue bag. I sniffed the bag and her scent was maybe ten minutes old.

_Seth she was here not that long ago._

_I know I'll get you some clothes._

Seth phased and changed into his short and he jogged to the porch grabbing another bag and ran back to me with a pair of shorts. I grabbed them with my teeth and phased, took the shorts out of my mouth and pulled them on. We ran to the porch and Seth grabbed the key sitting on the door frame unlocking the door. We ran inside and her scent was strong, no rain to wash it away.

"Seth I'll check her room."

"Okay."

I ran down the hall flinging her door open, when my nose began to sting with a strong scent of blood I closed her door and something sticky was on my hand I looked and nearly had heart attack, her blood on _my_ hand. I looked around saw a big piece of glass lying in the middle of the floor in a pool of blood. _She wouldn't._ I went over to desk searching for anything when a big bloody hand print caught my eye. It was not addressed to me. It was Leah's handwriting.

_Dear Jacob,_

_This letter isn't going to be to long, but I needed to tell you something. I hope you know you're my best friend. I want you to tell you I'm sorry, but the world would be better without me. Tell my mom and Seth I'm sorry. Please forgive me, I won't be coming back. Also did you love is the slowest form of suicide? I would know first hand. _

_Goodbye forever,_

_Leah_

Love is the slowest form of suicide…? No…did I…did I cause this be she _**loved**_ me? Was she going to kill herself because she was in love with me? Oh God, please, don't let her die, please. I looked over at the window and spotted two bloody hand prints.

"Seth! Come here!"

"Coming!"

The door flew open and his face scrunched up in disgust.

"My nose burns."

"I think Leah's going to kill herself."

"_What_?"

"We need to go, out the window."

"There's blood!"

"Yeah, I know, now hurry!"

I pulled the window open and jumped out Seth following me; I didn't fail to notice the blood droplets on the leaves of the bush. As we ran we noticed more and more blood splatter. It lead to some bushes when we lost the trail.

"Shit! Where did she go--"

_**Crash!**_

The sound of glass being smash caught my attention I turned to my right and listened as I heard the tinkling sound of glass falling. I put a finger up to keep Seth silent as I closed my eye focusing. Where was that sound coming from, I opened my eyes and saw a large rock on the edge of a small cliff. I began climbing up it and looking around, then some lightening struck and I noticed hundreds of glinting shards. I looked down and saw glass my eyes noticed something black, like hair swishing around.

"Seth, come here."

"What is it?"

"Do you know how to get down there?"

"Yeah, follow me."

We returned back to the bushes and we came to a small edge. I followed Seth as we walked through freezing water. I nearly had a heart attack went we turned a corner. Leah laid there in the water, her hair swishing around as the high tide waves moved back forth. That was what saw. I ran over to her and kneeled next to her placing her head in my lap.

"Seth, call Carlisle, tell him we need him ASAP!"

"Okay!"

I looked and saw Leah was barely breathing. I was gapping like fish when I saw swirls of red coming from her wrists and legs. Then a green bottle floated next to me, I grabbed it and I dropped it again after reading the label. Muscle relaxers, high dose ones too. She was dead serious. I looked around and saw a bits of glass everywhere. My eyes landed on a razor sharp knife, a fucking carving knife for turkeys! Damn it, Leah!? Why didn't you let me help you!? Didn't you know I loved you? That's why I asked you for advice about a girl being interested, I wanted be slick! I should have told you. I'm so stupid!

"Oh, Lee, it's my fault isn't it? I should have told you."

"They're coming Jacob, we should get out here before the tide gets any higher."

"Yeah…"

I hoisted her up and followed Seth once again. Something fell from her hands followed by some sort of white string. I caught it and noticed it was an mp-three player. I clicked the button and the name of the song, artist and album popped up. I put the ear buds in and then quickly turned the music down, that was _loud_. A song I didn't know was one, it started out good but then the chick _screamed_ like she was being murdered. I looked the name of the song 'I'm so Sick'? By…Flyleaf…? Was it natural for chicks to scream that way…what am I thinking!? Lee is half fucking dead and I'm listening to music! I pulled the ear buds out and let them dangle. When we got to the edge I passed Lee to Seth and placed the mp-three player in my pocket. I climbed up and Seth passed Leah back to me.

I held her like she was porcelain doll. I brushed the hair from her face, she looked like she was asleep, I wish that she _was _asleep. I walked through the bush all attention on my Lee, that's right, I could officially call her _mine_. I kissed her forehead and then I heard growl, I knew _exactly_ who's growl that was.

"Sam."

He looked at me ran off into the woods, returning a moment later. He was staring at me and then he looked at Leah's body in my arms.

"What the _fuck_ did you do the _her_?"

"I'd like to say nothing but…"

"Did you _kill_ her?"

"What the hell!? NO! You fucking prick!"

"Damn it Jacob! Don't play with me!"

"She attempted suicide because…because she didn't want to be in my way, happy it was my fault!"

"What hell do you mean be in your way? Its not like she loved you."

"She did."

"Lies! Like Leah would fall for you!"

"Don't be such a ass, you can't have Emily and Leah! In the note she wrote to me it said 'love is the slowest form of suicide' so actually I think you're at fault too."

"How!?"

"Shut up! Both you, this isn't a time to fight over my sister, she's half fucking dead! Quit going all tough guy alpha!"

"Alright, Seth."

Sam just snorted and crossed his arms. Why the hell did he go all psycho ex-boyfriend? Last time I checked he left Leah for her _cousin_. I sighed and nearly shouted for joy when Carlisle showed up with an ambulance. He stepped out and Edward and Emmett came out with a stretcher.

"Gees, wolf girl was serious."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious."

"Rawar, vicious wolf."

"Emmett enough, Jacob, put her on there."

"Okay, Carlisle."

"Fine, _dad_."

"Emmett, be mature."

"Whatever, Edward."

I set Leah on the stretcher. I really hoped she makes, I want to at least tell her how I feel.

-------------

A/N: Sorry for the shortness. But yeah, anyways songs I suggest listening to!

When I Grow Up (cover) - Mayday Parade, funny as hell. It really is 'boys call you sexy (what's up sexy!?)' ehehe…

White Horse (Cover) - Stephen Jerzak, I love this version, so purty!

The Mortician's Daughter - Black Veil Brides, Andy wrote a song to his girlfriend who's an actress named Scout Taylor-something or other and her dad's a mortician, I wish a boy would write a song for me, okay more like I wish Craig Mabbitt would. *sigh*

Okay scratch that anything by BVB, why because Andy Sixx can sing! And Act look up the Chance and Andy show on You Tube and click the second episode of the Captain Cold thing. He should have played Sweeny Todd instead of Johnny Depp. He is SEXY Sweeny Todd.

Also look up Crank that Calvary Boy - I Set My Friends On Fire, its better than the original Crank That, why? Because its screamo and it just is. Also look up 'Sex Ed Rocks' from Smosh, funniest shit ever! Periods Suck…Commas Rule! XD Oh! And 'Listen Up!' by Falling In Reverse! Ronnie's new band, can't wait for December, he gets out of Rehab! I love his voice!

Ooooh! Also Smooth (Cover) - Escape the Fate, Craig's voice is _sssoooo_ sexy. And Max's voice. Okay, fangirling OVER!

Anyways thanks to everyone who reviewed in last chapter. Also, yes in the summary it says suicide ATTEMPS plural. So don't think this is it and the stories over. Trust me I got WAY more up my sleeve cause I am just that hardcore emo. Also, if I don't update in awhile its 'cause I'm a mama, no I didn't get knocked up, I had a baby puppy to look after that needs a bottle three times a day, her name is Kisa Grace (picked myself) and she is four week old Chocolate Lab. Bye~ Also don't expect me to update this fast again.

Also, let me rant about the Jacob/Nessie pairing. Fuck. That's all I can say. That pairing is fucking nasty, no offence to any who likes/writes that pairing, it fucking nasty. Just like Claire/Quil. Fucking sick, I know age ain't nothing but a number, but really? 17 fucking years apart? That's some seriously fucked up shit. That would make Jacob a pedophile. I'm sorry but that is a fucked up pairing. I can understand 10 years, but just fuck. Ew. I'm sorry I hate that pairing. Ugh, both pairs actually. Okay I'm done, seriously.

P.S.

Remember children, brush your teeth after every meal! XD


	9. Can you count to four weeks?

A/N: If I ever hear the song 10 Miles Wide by Escape the Fate again, I may cry. I saw the uncut music video for it on Playboy . Com and I thought it wouldn't be so bad…but it was horrible…so many…boobs…eeehhh…I know my lesbian friends would love it though. But my eyes! It was like a train wreck and I couldn't look away! But GAH! I actual banged my head into the wall to give myself amnesia, no such fucking luck! I can never see that band the same again. It was worse than the Situation video! At least the chicks were in bikinis! Ugh. To the story, don't watch the uncut version of that, well unless you like that kind of thing… And this whole chapter takes place in a span of 4 weeks. So it's rushed! x]

**WARNING:** **Emo/Bipolar Jakey wakey!**

----------

**Jacob's POV**

_Week One_

The three most torturous days of my life have gone by, so agonizingly slow. Everything was a blur after Carlisle came and got her but when I tried to see her hen she first got her I couldn't. Not only that but _Sam_ tried to boss _me_ around. _Me_! The true alpha! He was telling me 'Oh she'll just get hurt again blah, blah, blah, blah!' I told him to go suck a fat a fat one and Seth punched the shit out of me.

Anyways now here I was with Leah who had a fifty-fifty chance of making it, it was so hard for me. But I couldn't complain because Sue was taking it the hardest, she wasn't showing it but I could tell. That was where Leah got her stubbornness, it was from Sue. They were personality copies, well except Sue was less suicidal…okay was not suicidal. But they were pretty close on the personality, Sue was just a little nicer.

I held Leah's hand and the murmur of medical machines worked. She has been hooked up to several, the heart rate monitor, the oxygen supplier and the feeding tube. Carlisle wasn't sure when or if she was going to wake up so he hooked up to the feeding machine. It really hurt me to see her like this, knowing I probably caused all this and it could have been avoided if I had just told her how I felt. I was just so stupid.

She looked so calm right now though as if she was asleep. Gees I wish she was asleep. This guilt was gnawing at me. Would if she dies? I'd be a murder. If she dies then…what? Argh! Why am I thinking these negative thoughts!? This is just so…

"What the hell!? Carlisle!"

I jumped up and Leah began to shake, was it a muscle spasm or something? Carlisle ran in with Edward in toe.

"Hold her down, she's having a seizure. She could rip the IV's out her arm. We really don't want that."

I held her torso and arms down as Edward held her legs. I watched as Carlisle rummaged through a cabinet and pulled out a bottle and a needle. He inserted the needle and tipped the bottle upside down sucking up whatever it was in the needle.

"Jacob hold her down good because if I accidentally get you with it instead you won't be able to move."

"Uhm…okay…"

I held her down so it was only twitches, I watched as he injected into the vein of the underside of her elbow.

"Okay let go."

Edward and I stepped back as she was still shaking like mad and soon oh so slowly the spasms turned into mere twitches until it all stopped. Carlisle wrote something on a brown clipboard. He and Edward headed towards when he turned towards me.

"Keep an eye on her."

And with that he left. I sat in the chair next to her bed, life sucked.

_Week Two_

It been a little over a week since that seizure type thing had happened with Leah. She already had two more one two days after the first one and one yesterday. It was scary, I was afraid each time she would rip a vein out that was connected to an IV. It hadn't happened yet, so I was thankful.

I was praying to God she would make it. It was scary thinking of life without her. But relief came just three days ago saying she was improving. I was elated, completely and utterly elated. If I was some stupid teenage fan girl with a crush I probably would have jumped up and down and said something stupid like 'Love defeats ALL! Yeah!' but I didn't. I was tempted to though. Wow I'm loser. I should lay off comics.

I brushed the loose black locks from her face. I wished I see hazel eyes, her beautiful hazel eyes. I got up and walked towards the window looking outside. Sleet and hale were coming down. What a crappy day.

"Days like this make me sleepy."

"When I was human days like this made me tired too."

"Blood sucker."

I turned around to find Edward in the room or more like smell.

"You don't smell to great yourself flee bag."

"Shut up douche bag."

"Go jump off a cliff."

"Bite me, wait you'd enjoy to much."

"Real fun-"

Edward and I jumped when a blood curdling hit our eardrums. We both looked over and saw Leah thrashing around screaming. Emmett and Carlisle entered the room swiftly and then another scream hit me.

"Argh! My head…I'm in pain…"

Edward gripped his head in pain and fell to the floor in fetal position you see it would have been funny if not for the current situation.

"All I can see and hear is her…sss…dream."

"Emmett take Edward to his cottage."

"Right-o daddy-o."

Emmett picked up Edward and disappeared out of the room. I shook my head from stupor and walked over to the bed. I sat in the chair beside her bed and tried my best to calm her. I began whispering words of comfort in her ear trying to get to her subconscious. I held her hand and ran my thumb across the top.

"Lee, girlie, calm down. It's okay I'm right here, nothing bad is going to get you."

My ears were killing me because she wouldn't stop it sounded like she was being murdered agonizingly slow. I continued telling her things would be okay. It took over an hour for her to calm down. My ears were ringing and I couldn't seem to hear anything but the ringing.

"Hey, Jacob, Edward wants to see you."

"Why does he want to see me?"

Emmett shrugged and I stood up walking towards the door.

"Where is he?"

"His cottage."

"Thanks."

I left the room and walked down the stairs and left the house. It took me a good ten minutes to get to the cottage and I knocked on the door. When the door opened I was greeted by a distressed looking Bella.

"Oh! Jake! Poor Edward, he's in so much pain I-"

"I know I was there."

"Oh."

"Bella, take Renesmee and go, I need to speak to him in privet."

"Ah, okay, Renesmee, honey, c'mon."

"Yes, Mama."

Bella grabbed Nessie and left the cottage and there was an awkward silence.

"Do want to know what she was dreaming?"

"Yeah…what was terrifying her?"

Edward froze tapping his chin as if he was trying to some up with the best way to explain it. Then he looked as if he found the right way to explain it.

"It was dark at first nothing but darkness. She was sitting in pool of liquid and she felt some sort metal under her hand. Then a spot light landed on her and was in a pool of blood with a butcher knife by her.

"She looked so sick and pale, she couldn't make a noise. She just looked…like a little child who lost a beloved pet."

I was speechless, what the _hell_ kind of dream is that? That's more of a nightmare if anything else.

"It was a nightmare. She was covered in stitches and blood. Then another spot light appeared and…"

He paused his eyes showing hurt and he furrowed his brow. I bit my lip and cocked my head to the side.

"What's wrong? What was it?"

"Renesmee…"

"Nessie? Uh, what was wrong with her?"

"She was…dead."

What?

"W-what? Dead? Are you sure?"

"Yes that's when she began screaming bloody murder. I wasn't affected until then."

"How did she…?"

"She was all cut up with _knife_ wounds and she was just in a pool of blood. There was a trail from her to Leah and you…"

"Me?"

"You came a started yelling at her blaming everything on her."

"I…that…what? T-the dream…no nightmare…made me the…bad guy?"

"It would seem so. Then you phased and--"

"Just don't finish. I don't want to hear anymore."

I left and I just wanted to scream.

_Week Three_

Every other day Leah was having nightmares, the same one over and over again. It was just so…so much. But poor Sue was experiencing worse. I would always leave when she would some so she could be alone with Leah. Sue had never seemed so depressed. She was just so…_vulnerable_. I stood up as Sue entered the room with a basin of soapy warm water and a rag. I had a feeling I was going to get kicked out like I did the day before yesterday.

"Go on Jacob, I can't wipe Leah down if you're in here."

"She'd kill me if I didn't."

"I'd kill you if you didn't."

I stepped out and waited in the hallway. About ten minutes in I heard sobs coming from the room. I opened the door a crack and my jaw dropped. If you've ever seen a mummy without its bandages then that's what Leah looked like. I stepped in and walked over to Sue kneeling next to her. I rubbed her back and she turned and hugged me.

"Jacob, I-I'm such a h-horrible mother…I couldn't even watch my own daughter. L-look at her! She's nothing but skin and bone! She needed m-mama's good home c-cookin' and…"

"Its not your fault, it was the pressure and drama. It was not your fault at all."

"If I h-had been there….if only…"

"Shh…shh…just let it out everyone needs to cry every once in awhile even you."

This was exactly where Leah got the stubbornness from. She got it from her mother. Like Mother like Daughter. I just hugged Sue and she just cried. I was so mad at Leah for causing her pain, but I couldn't help but think how all this could have been avoided if I had told three simple words. I love you. That would have probably saved all of this trouble. I was such an asshole. Stupid fucking genes, I swear us men have a gene called the 'asshole' gene just as how woman have the 'bitch' gene. I was so stupid, I should have seen it sooner. But the stupid imprinting. Stupid, stupid, stupid imprinting!

"W-well I should be getting back to Seth and Charlie. Thanks Jacob."

"No problem."

Sue fixed Leah's shirt and left taking everything she brought with her away. Poor Sue she was just so heartbroken. Just like Leah was.

"Lee, girlie, when are you gonna wake up? We miss you."

The only noise in the room now was her rough jagged sounded breaths and the medical equipment. I sighed and laid my head onto the bed and held Leah's hand. I fell got lulled into sleep by the heart monitors beeping.

_Week Four_

I stood by the window looking out as flurries swept across the sky. It was two weeks till Christmas and all I wanted for Christmas was for Leah to wake up. But I don't think Santa can so that. But God or Jesus could. That was why I prayed everyday for her to wake up. I tapped the glass making a random beat. I soon got bored and headed towards Leah's bed. I sat in the chair and held Leah's hand.

"Lee, you missed Thanksgiving, you know that? You better be up by Christmas, okay? I have something important to tell you."

I got nothing, as usual. She had stopped any sort of movement aside from breathing and random twitches. No spasms, seizures, nightmares nothing. It was as if she was dead or something. I stood up again and went towards the window again. I opened the windows and stepped out onto the roof. I sat down and closed my eyes letting the soft snow land on me and melt. So pretty. The snow was so pure. It was clean and innocent until tainted by humans. Humans tainted everything. We destroyed such wonderful things. Especially me, I mean look what I did Leah. Yes she wasn't pure and innocent but she was so happy go lucky and I corrupted that.

Images of her played in my mind. Her smile, her eyes, just her. I missed her laugh and sarcastic comments. I missed everything about her, I just wanted up and hear 'Jacob you lazy ass get up!' but I didn't see that happening any time soon. Embry missed her too though he wouldn't admit it he missed her teasing him. Everyone missed her. I stood back up and turned towards the window. When I stepped in the room I near fell over something.

"Beeeeeep."

-----------

A/N: Ooooohhhh! Cliffy! MWUAHAHAHAH! Anyways now I shall tell you something.

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children. Fucking EPIC! I saw it and oh shit just the best fucking movie ever! No, Twilight fan girls/boys don't say Twilight was the best movie, we all know it light weight sucked. OhMiGosh! Cloud is HOT! No, don't judge me, he looks real enough. He is smoking hot! Also let me tell you! This movie has everything! There's this guy named Kadaj and he has a huge mother complex! Oooh and Sephiroth! Eeep! Man, it shouldn't be legal for fictional characters to be good looking. Oooh! Just let me fan girl vent! Oh on another note look up Crisis Core Final Fantasy Ending (English or Japanese with English subtitles depends on what you like) it will make you sad! Poor Zack! Poor Cloud! They was BESTIES! Also every time I watch it a little chibi version of Cloud is in my screaming: "YOU KILLED ZACK YOU BASTARDS!"

Okay I think I vented enough. Sorry for the sucky chapter! Gomenasai! I'm so glad I discovered the world of FF. *is still swooning* Oh and Vincent is the Emo King (ne, gomen, Sasuke-kun! You're only Emo Prince!) Speaking of Sasuke! If anyone here watches Naruto I saw the first four Naruto Shippuden episodes in English and I was a squealing like a fan girl! See this is why you don't read stories by Otaku's you will regret it. Okay done uh, songs I recommend!

1000% Sparking English Dub Official from Negima!?

Smile - Lily Allen

I Did It for Love - BoA

BYE!

PS

Watch FFVII: Advent Children or I will eat your children :]


	10. You said 'I love you' and I ran

A/N: Ne, gomensai, about the cliffy. It was necessary. Also I just realized something I have a bad obsession with suicidal love stories…uhm, yeah. Lets just say I get those thoughts some times XD Remember I am just that hardcore emo. Actually no, I found this awesome FFVII suicidal love story and fell in love with it! Uhhh, I mean shit…yeah we'll just leave it at that. To the story? Oh and I'm officially a dork, I watch Yu-Gi-Oh and Hamtaro :] Random tidbit where I live they Boom, Boom, Boom by Venga Boys on the radio at 3AM XD Sorry I didn't update in awhile, you see I lost my internet password for my laptop…

**Warning!: A tad bit of blood and gore. A slightly insane Leah…or majorly insane Leah…and she sounds like a broken record. A bipolar Leah…ano…Also a unneeded yet needed Leah/Nessie/Edward friendship, clueless Jacob and you're Uncle Jimmy Dean :]**

_It was dark pure darkness, no light or sound. I could feel myself sitting in some sort of thick liquid, I knew it was blood I could smell it. It had a coppery smell to it. I also felt cold metal touching my leg. Then a bright spotlight fell on me and I nearly screamed. It was more blood than I had thought and the metal was a big butcher knife. Then another light appeared in front of me and there was a mirror. I screamed when I saw my reflection._

"_Oh my God…"_

_On the right side of my face there was stitch connected to the corner of my lip and coming to the side of my jaw bone. I looked at my hands and my left wrist stitched on, on both hands my fingers were stitched in various places. On my right arm where the elbow connects it was stitched and on my left arm it was stitched at my shoulder. I was covered in them, it was as if they where keeping me together. I touched my face and left a big bloody mark. I dragged my hand down till it was at my neck and I felt the stitches. I looked to my right and saw what seemed to be trail that led into the darkness. Then another spot light appeared and I screamed bloody murder._

"_Oh dear God! Nessie!"_

_I tried to move but I was frozen, nothing would work. Nessie just laid there limp in a pool of blood which seemed to…no…the trail led from her to…me? What? I saw Jacob appear and I was elated. Just so happy, he could help her and tell me what was going on. Then he looked at me pure hate in his eyes. When he spoke his voice was cold and harsh._

"_What the fuck, _Leah_! You killed her!"_

"_What…?"_

"_You stupid jealous-fuck! Why!"_

"_I…I d-didn't tho…"_

"_You did too! That's _her_ blood on you and you had the knife that killed her! How could you? I thought we were friends."_

_I _was_ covered in _her_ blood and I _did_ have the _knife_ that killed her…but how? I…I didn't do it._

"_As they say Leah an eye for an eye. Now you die."_

"_Wha…"_

_Jacob transformed and lunged at me and I screamed bloody murder. The pain shot through me as he tore the stitches. He ripped my flesh and crushed my bones, it hurt so much, there was no mercy as he did it. Then he stood above me and I was flat on my back. He came down and his muzzle entered my chest and then I felt it, he ripped my heart out. I watched in horror as he pulled it and ripped it to shreds in front of me._

My eyes shot open and I looked around, I was hooked to machines and I figured I was still alive. I got up slowly and then planted my feet on the ground I slowly stood up trying to steady myself. I began walking towards the window and I was jerked back. I looked and began pulling cords off. I turned around and a loud long beep started. Shit

"L-Lee? Girlie? Is that you?"

I know I must have looked like a deer in the head lights because well, he began moving slowly towards me. I had no means of escape. I just stood there frozen, images from dream flying through my head. I screamed and fell to the floor holding my head in my hands.

"Go away! Leave me alone! I didn't kill her!"

I curled into fetal position and squeezed my eyes shut singing a melody.

"Playground school bell rings again, rain clouds come to play again,"

"Lee…what are you talking about?"

"Has no one told you she's not breathing? Hello I am your mind giving you someone to talk to. Hello…"

I heard the door open and more people entered. I just continued singing. People talking and saying things but I wasn't paying attention.

"Soon I'll wake from this dream, don't try to fix me I'm not broken."

The voices kept going and going! It was all in my head!

"Girlie, c'mon get up…"

"Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping…"

The voices were driving me insane, they wouldn't shut up or go away. I wanted to run and hide, I was panicking I needed to get up and go. Then I felt that rush of heat each time I phased.

"Oh, dear, she's quite distressed…"

"Yeah, she just phased."

I began backing into a corner my tail between my legs, my whinning and whimpering filling the room. My rear end hit the corner and I hunched low trying to make myself small as possible. Which was hard to do since I was the size of a large German Shepherd. My ears were flat to my head and I was shaking, there was too many people. I tried to hide but it wasn't working and then I heard a small voice.

"Daddy, what's wrong with Leah?"

"She doesn't feel good."

"Can I see her?"

"I don't think…"

She slowly walked towards me and reached her hand out slowly. My tail wagging on its own accord underneath me, why did I feel more comfortable around _Nessie_ of all people? As if wolf instincts kicked in I rolled in submission as she began to pet me. I could still feel myself shaking, my brain trying to process the information. Nessie scratched my ears and told me everything would be okay and I should phase back. But I…I didn't want to. I was still scared as the room still filled with more people. There were twelve people in the room now, it was scary, so rolled back onto my stomach and inched towards the under of the bed. Crawling on my stomach until I heard the shriek of my mom.

"Leah! Is that you? Oh my God!"

I whimpered and crawled under the bed I stuck my nose between the wall and the bed post. To much noise! Make stop make it go away!

"Its to much noise for Leah's liking I think…I think we should leave."

Yes, leave! I wanted to be alone, with silence, no noise nothing, just me, I heard footsteps and my mom's sobs. Seth and Embry were tying to comfort her and finally the door closed. Everything was quiet and I looked out from under bed and saw nothing, I wiggled my way out and stood up looking around. I stood looking at the door, I turned my head towards the window, my perfect escape.

"Do you really want to do that Leah?"

_Bloodsucker._

"Leah, answer the question, do you really want to do that? Think about it. What about Jacob?"

_I know you probably saw my dreams, I can't face him after _that_._

"But that wasn't the real Jacob, do think he would do that?"

…_No._

"Exactly, now do you love him?"

That_ isn't any of your business, Dracula._

"I take that as a yes."

_If I do so what! He freaking has your perfect daughter! What the fuck else would he need! Not me! Sam didn't want me, so I damn well know Jacob doesn't want me!_

"Whatever you say, Leah."

I walked towards the window and put my front paws and hopped onto the porch roof. I was getting ready to jump when I heard Edward speak.

"Receiving heartache from another is one thing, but when you give it to yourself, you can't even feel the slightest bit sorry for yourself."

_I won't._

I thought as I hopped from the second floor to the snow covered ground. I ran into the forest trying not to think, making my mind blank. Nothing but me and the trees, I stopped panting even though I had only been running for a few minutes if even. My lungs felt as if they were on fire, my head was throbbing and I felt like I was going to die. I looked around and nearly froze when I saw Jacob…in wolf form. My heart began pounding, I closed my eyes trying to block him out of my vision. I heard him whine softly and I opened my eyes a little and watched as he scooted on his belly towards me. I was frozen couldn't move as he came towards me. He was a foot in front of me, he just stayed on his stomach looking at me with big sad eyes. I couldn't move, frozen, he was there I was there, I was frozen he wasn't. He was now right **there** touching me.

He lifted his face up a little and looked me in the eyes. His eyes saying he wasn't going to hurt me. But I refused to believe him. I wanted to run but I couldn't move. I was pleading to move I _wanted_ too. He licked my face and whined. I shook my head no and he whined more.

_What does he want from me!_

Click.

_I want _you_ Leah…_

_How did you hear me…_

_I don't know your guess is as good as mine._

_Wait…_

I paused, thinking, did he say he wanted me? I think I was going crazy.

_Leah please don't run away from me, listen to me, I love you._

My heart stopped I was dreaming it was all a dream that's all it usually was. This wasn't true…I was dreaming, yeah that was it. I just needed to wake up…

_Leah, please believe me. I love you I do, really do…I know that you love me too…I'm sorry to put you through pain…_

I took one look at him and I ran, as fast as I could, it was a lie I just knew it was…

A/N: Sorry for not updating in FOREVER. Seriously, I am sorry.


	11. The Last Night You'll Spend Alone

A/N: I have be MEAN to people MEAN I SAY! Seriously I am sorry! I am, I am. Also ha-ha uhm, I looked up what color Leah's eyes were and they're brown…but when I'm typing I have Megan Fox in mind and her eyes a blue-ish-hazel. To bad she didn't up playing Leah ); Wahh.

-------------

**Jacob's POV**

My mouth was slack there, Lee stood, looking confused. She then looked at me her hazel-blue eyes going wide. I spoke in complete and utter shock.

"L-Lee? Girlie? Is that you?"

I began walking towards her slowly, she looked absolutely terrified. She stood, not moving or breathing. I was so close when she screamed and fell to the floor in with her head on her hands.

"Go away! Leave me alone! I didn't kill her!"

I froze, my heart felt like it was being stabbed. She looked like she was in so much pain. She then curled into fetal position and began singing a melancholy song.

"Playground school bell rings again, rain clouds come to play again,"

"Lee…what are you talking about?"

"Has no one told you she's not breathing? Hello, I am your mind giving you someone to talk to. Hello…"

I looked up when Carlisle and the rest of the Cullens' entered. They chattered about frantically. I wanted to go and hug Lee hold her and tell everything would be okay. Edward put his hand on my shoulder shaking his head no.

"You'll stress her out more."

I looked over at her and she was still singing the melancholic song and I spoke in a soft voice.

"Girlie, c'mon get up…"

"Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping…"

She looked as if she was going to go insane as she curled into a smaller ball. Then she just exploded into a wolf. My heart was racing hoping she wouldn't lash out at anyone.

"Oh, dear, she's quite distressed…"

"Yeah, she just phased."

I watched as she quickly backed into a corner, her tail between her legs and crouched down trying to get small. Her ears flat to her head and she was shaking horribly, I could tell she wanted to hide. Then I heard Nessie's small soft voice.

"Daddy, what's wrong with Leah?"

"She doesn't feel good…"

"Can I see her?"

"I don't think…"

I froze and Nessie let go of Edward's hand and walked slowly towards Leah. I heard a dull thumping and looked at Leah and I knew it was her tail. My mind was whirling, why? Why was she happy to see Nessie and not me? I thought…I thought Leah didn't like Nessie…

I watched as Leah rolled onto her back, into submission and she was shaking. Nessie began petting her and scratching behind her ears. Nessie began telling Leah everything was fine and okay. More people came in and Leah rolled back into her stomach. I flinched as Sue shrieked for Leah.

"Leah! Is that you? Oh my God!"

I watched as Leah army crawled under the bed and whimper semi-loudly. Then Carlisle spoke in soft voice but loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Its too much noise for Leah's liking, I think…I think we should leave."

Everyone walked out Sue was in hysterics, Seth and Embry tried to calm her down. I walked out the door last and closed the door I stood there staring blankly at the wall. I smelled Edward before I even heard him.

"She's planning on running away again."

My head snapped up and looked at him fear evident in my face.

"She's…what?"

"Just go into the woods and wait for her, I know that will be the first place she'll think of."

I nodded, my heart racing as I ran down the hall and ran the stairs, grabbing a blanket on the way knowing I would need it. I pushed the door open breaking it off the hinges and ran into the forest stripping out of my shorts and shirt tying them and the blanket around both my ankles. I phased and looked through a peek in the bushes, I saw Leah on the porch roof and she wasn't looking anywhere in particular. Then a moment later she jumped my instincts telling to me to go to her now. But I knew better. I watched as she staggered for a second from the landing impact and then she took off. I followed her scent which was heavy in the air.

I watched as she stopped panting hard, I walked out from the bushes and walked in front of her. Her whole body froze and she closed her eyes, I whined softly and fell to my stomach scooting towards her slowly. Her eyes half opened as she watched me, I pleaded to her with my eyes, I was so sad. It hurt knowing I caused her pain. I scooted up until was a few centimeters from her, trying to tell her I wasn't going to hurt her with my eyes. I licked her face a whine escaping from my throat. She shook her head causing another whine to come from me.

_Lee, girlie, I want to hear you…_

Click

_What does he want from me!?_

Her voice! Oh her sweet voice!

_I want _you_ Leah_…

_How did you hear me?_

_I don't know your guess is as good as mine._

_Wait…_

I looked at her and I thought the words I wanted to say.

_Leah please don't run away from me, listen to me, I love you._

Her whole body went ridged and I could here her heart racing, I knew she was going to have doubts so I thought more of things I wanted to voice to her.

_Leah, please believe me, I love you, I really do…I know that you love me too…I'm sorry I put you through pain…_

She looked at me with wide hazel-blue eyes and turned and ran from me. My heart stopped and I stood up chasing after her. I could hear all her thoughts and it was a stab in the heart each thought I heard.

_Lies! He's lying he's just saying that! He's trying to get me back with sweet words so they can send me to the insane asylum!_

_I'm dreaming this isn't true…why do my dreams do this to me!?_

_Why couldn't I have just died, instead I'm suffering with lies and heartache…_

Those thoughts would kill me, they were broken and so…sorrowful.

_Leah I'm not lying, I've loved you for s long time._

_You're lying to me, Black!_

Ouch, the really hurt me, she even refuses to call me by my name…

I watched as she just collapsed in the middle of running and phased back into her original form. She was breathing so hard I was afraid the air intake would make her lungs and chest explode. I turned around and used my fangs to grab the blanket from my hind leg. I placed it over her and I walked towards a bush and went behind it. I phased back a put my shorts on saving the shirt for Leah. I walked towards her kneeling down when I was next to her, she curled into a ball and pulled the blankets over her head.

My heart was in my throat and I wanted to cry. She was so broken and it was all because of _me_, because I left her. She entrusted me with her well being and I _left_ her. I was so pissed at myself.

"Lee, baby girl, please…please speak to me."

"G-go…away…pl-please leave…me b-be…"

Her voice was so sad and I wanted to cry, I chocked back a sob. I bent down and picked her up, she didn't even bother to fight against it. I nearly gasped at how light she was. I held her bridal style, re-adjusting the blanket around her so she would be warm. She buried her head into my chest, sobs escaping her lips.

"Shh, please baby girl, stop, its okay…"

"'S n-not okay! A-all I do i-is cause…p-pain for everyone ar-around me!"

I was at a loss of words when she wrapped her arms around my neck, he face buried in the crook of my neck. I felt heat rush to me cheeks when I remembered she wasn't exactly clothed…

"…Jake…please don't…don't h-hate m-me…I didn't k-kill h-her…"

I ran my fingers through her hair and rocked her back and forth.

"I know, sweetheart I know…I could never hate you, Lee…"

Her tears rolled down my chest as I stood there holding her in the flurries. The snow getting heavier, Leah shivered slightly, then I remember my shirt. I took her arms from my neck and placed the shirt in her arms, my face feeling warmer than usual.

"Uh…thanks…"

I almost didn't hear her because it was so silent. I looked over to my left and closed my eyes. To give her privacy.

"Does my body disgust you that much?"

"No! No, that's no it, I wanted to give you privacy!"

I looked at her and the shirt was only half way on and I know I turned beet red.

"S-sorry!"

She shrugged indifferently, her eyes staring blankly at nothing, as tears rolled down her cheeks. With each falling tear, a piece of my heart broke off. Each tear froze as they fell from her face and into her lap turning to water once again. I turned her face towards me and I kissed her forehead, she flinched, but did nothing else.

"…why?"

"Why what?"

She looked into my eyes and spoke in a low voice.

"Why'd you do it? Save me I mean…?"

"Because, I love you and hurt me so much when you just…damn, okay let's see…well, it really hurt me when you I read the letter and knowing that I…caused you to do that…I would have died without you, Lee."

I used my free hand and ran it through my hair and I sighed.

"Just give me a second so I can explain some things…"

"…but why do you love me?"

I gave a sad weak smile and looked into her eyes.

"Oh the list could go on forever, lets see…your eyes are like pools I could drown in, your so out going and you stick up for yourself. God, you're so beautiful, so is your personality at certain times," I chuckled softly as she scrunched her nose up and rolled her eyes. "I remember you were in one of my earliest memories, which also plays into it. You were sitting in the living room in your Ballet recital outfit. I was…three and I remember you looking at me and squealing in pure joy as I gave you a flower…"

She smiled slightly and then bit her thumb.

"I remember that…it was the Swan Lake recital, it was right before it. My…my first recital, it was going to be in Seattle with over six hundred people. I was terrified and you gave me a purple rose…"

"Yeah, I remember then and there when you had smiled, right then and there I wanted to marry you. I told my dad and mom on our way there to see the recital. My mother laughed saying I just might and my dad grumbled saying something like 'that girl will have him on leash'."

Leah giggled slightly and laid her head on my chest, I stroked her hair from her face and she was soon asleep. I began walking back, even though I had no idea how far as to were we had ran. I heard a car--or truck more like it and I saw Alice in a Ford pickup truck.

"Hi, Jacob…how is she?"

"Sleeping…and other things we'll discuss later in privet with Carlisle."

She nodded and I followed her to the truck, I opened the passenger's door and then the back door and moving the passenger's sear forward, setting Leah in back seat. I put the seat back to normal and got in buckling up and closing my door. The drive back was nothing but silence, it was deafening. I stared out the window my mind drifting into the past.

_**Flash Back**_

_I sat at the picnic table and watched as Seth and Leah had a water balloon fight. Leah was laughing, smiling in a carefree way, seeing her like that made me smile. I watched as Seth said something in her ear and she turned a bright red. I chuckled at the scene and she gapped like a fish._

"_Seth! Wh-what!? No, no, no! You're kidding me? Right?"_

"_Nope, matter fact I TRIPLE dog dare you!"_

_I chuckled those two always daring each other on random things. I mean last time Leah dared Seth to around La Push in a sumo wrestler outfit, which I may add was funny as hell. Leah stomped her foot making me laugh more and then she headed towards the table. She sat next to me and put her head down._

"_What was the dare this time?"_

_She mumbled and I barely heard._

"…_ki…ss…"_

"_Huh?"_

_I looked at her and put her head up, her cheeks a bright red. She looked adorable when she was blushing. I smiled and she looked down and mumbled again._

"_Kiss…"_

"_Who?"_

_She sighed and looked at me, then something clicked. Seth dared her to _kiss_ me? Was it the cheek or lips?_

"…_lips…yo…"_

_She sighed and just came forward kissing me, it was five seconds at most, but it had my stomach doing flips. She backed away bright red and she glared at Seth who howled with laughter._

"_Ahahah! Oh my gosh! Sis, you oughta see your face! Oh my gosh!"_

"…_shut up…" _

_She stood up and wiped her shorts off and looked at me then to Seth._

"_I'll be back in a little bit…see you all later…"_

"_Jacob…hello…Jacob!"_

"Ow! What the…!?

I felt something smack me and I looked over and saw Alice. She glared at me and then pointed to the house. I grinned sheepishly and then frowned remembering why we were here. I hopped out and moved the seat forward, grabbing Leah and taking her inside. I took her to room that Carlisle had prepared for her. I set her sown on the bed tucking her into the down filled pink comforters. A sigh escaped from her and she snuggled into the covers. I turned around and walked out the door heading to Carlisle's study, there he sat at his desk going through some files. He motioned for me to sit and I complied. He looked up and spoke in a soft whisper so no one else could hear, I had to strain my hearing to hear what he said.

"Jacob, I'm afraid that Leah has suffered some physiological issue, not only that, but if she does not eat every organ in body will shut down. It will most likely start with the kidneys or liver, which will kill her."

I bit my lip and looked at floor, wasn't expecting this. I sighed.

"Anything else?"

"Yes, if you are up to the task, we won't have to send to a special home that deals with this type of situation."

I nodded vigorously and leaned forward so I could catch everything and make sure that I didn't miss a thing.

"My family and I own several cottages on this land, we have specially prepared one for you and Leah. Its like a privet rehabilitation center, instead of sending off to place in which she'd be alone, you'd be helping her get better. With some help from Edward and I of course. We figured since you are her Alpha she'd listen to you more."

I tried my best to not snort at that last comment. I slowly nodded my head.

"That sounds like a good idea…"

"I'm finished, unless you have further questions?"

"No, no, I understand it all. Thank you Carlisle."

"Your welcome, goodbye, Jacob."

"Bye, Carlisle."

I stood up and walked out the room closing the door behind me. I headed back to the room Leah was in. she was curled into a ball shaking, muffle cries coming from her. I frowned and climbed into the bed with her, wrapping my arms around her. The shaking stopped and the cries ceased. She cuddled up against me and I spoke softly.

"This the last night you'll spend alone, Lee, I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go."

I closed my eyes and listened as her breathing lulled me to sleep.

A/N: My excuse for this uber late chapter, I had to get my wisdom teeth taken out. So uhm, cheah… Anyways this author's note is **IMPORTANT!!! READ! **Please? First off songs I recommend for chu! 'Fer Sure' by The Medic Droid, fuck is said a lot in it, you are warned. Actually funny story behind that song…anyways 'Still Around' by 3Oh!3 it's very pretty :] 'All That I'm About' by Escape the Fate & Attack! Attack! Actually it's Attack! Attack! Craig Mabbitt and Max Green. Last but not least 'Rainbow Veins' by Owl City. Oh and check out DesandNate on youtube, with Destery's "I Love You" video and "IDEK 9 1/2" video, they are EPIC. Plus he's hot so its bonus x] Also something random, okay, I was listening to Invisible by Taylor Swift and I got all depressed and teary eyed XD I was like "okay…what the fuck?" yeah eheh, weird I know.

Lastly I need a Beta, seriously, but you need to be in 10th grade at least. I can't revise my own stories worth of shit so I need a Beta. Not to be picky or anything but you need at least one story on FF. And yeah I added lyrics from "The Last Night" by Skillet, yea I got skillz. I felt like a fucking corntrisket for writing it XD


	12. A Woman Worth Fighting For

A/N: Sorry for not updating since FOEVA! O3O Ha-ha, funny story about Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days (*o*) I heard the commercial for it and ran from the kitchen and did a head dive over the couch and kinda lost my jim-jam pants in the process! :3 Epic win I know! To the story? By the way listen to "I'm The Real Sugar Baby" by the girl who play's Rini's English voice actress from Sailor Moon. Its waaaaaaaaaaayyyy better than "I'm Real Slim-Shady". By the way I found the greatest category on FF… TV Commercials…XD

**-----**

**Leah's POV**

I felt stiff and groggy. I cracked my eyes seeing nothing but tanned skin. I took a deep breath and I could smell Jacob, I shifted around feeling his arms around me protectively. I felt him shift and heard him groan, I quickly snapped my eyes shut. I didn't want to face him yet, I was to scared to, I was afraid of rejection, him hating me, hurting me and reducing me down to a empty shell. My rational side telling me 'he loves you, he wouldn't do that' but my head was screaming 'he hates you, he'll break you and toss you aside like last week's garbage' I wanted so desperately to scream for the voices to stop.

I felt his arms leave me, along with his warmth and I held back a pathetic whimper. I heard him groan and felt the bed shift as he got up. I felt a tap on my shoulder and hear being whispered into my ear.

"Lee, girlie, you need to get up, its time to eat."

Just the thought of made me sick, but my stomach on the other hand…

_**Gruuuugle**_

The poking, prodding and whispering went on for a few minutes until I was finally sick of it. I groaned and turned my back to him curling up into a ball, pulling the blanket tighter to me. I heard a sigh escape his lips.

"Girlie I know that you're up, just get up."

His voice was stern but not loud or anything that that, but it still scared me. I whimpered curling up into a ball. Jacob gave a short gasp and he spoke softly and began rubbing circles on my back.

"Lee, baby girl, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you…"

I felt the blanket being pulled from over me and I opened my eyes and glanced up. Jacob was staring me and he smiled sadly.

"There's those pretty azure-green eyes I love…"

I heard the door creak open and Jacob glanced at the person coming in. The smell of food my nose making me want to vomit bile upon the lush white carpet. My stomach once again was not on my side. It gurgled and made gross noises. I heard a bell like laugh and glanced over.

"Hello, Leah! How are you?"

The black haired pixie asked with a smile showing pearly white teeth. I shrugged and mumbled.

"Like I want to die?"

I heard a lengthy sigh and looked at Jacob, he glanced at Alice, who's smile faltered for a mere second before she smiled again. She turned and started to head out the door, but spoke first.

"well here's some food, hope your hungry."

It was a large cart with three selves with different assortment of food and drinks. My nose scrunched up in distaste. I stared blankly at the food before me then at Jacob who smiled and pulled off some instant Chow Mein from the Maruchan Ramen company thing. Whatever…

"Lee, here."

"Not. Hungry."

"Lee…"

Crap…Alpha tone…not fair.

"I said I am NOT hungry."

"Girlie, I don't want to have to force you by using my Alpha command. I love you and I don't wanna see you get sick."

"If you loved me, you'd listen to me when I say I'm not hungry…"

His eyes filled with hurt and he sighed putting the instant chow mein noodles down. He turned to me gripping my shoulders. He looked into my eyes, as if he was reading me.

"I do love you, but I want you to eat, your mind may be telling you that you aren't hungry, but your stomach is screaming. Honey, you're hurting yourself and that hurts me a lot knowing I caused it. Please, for me, just eat…"

The way he looked at me made me want to cry and I did. I buried my face into his chest crying and sputtering words.

"Jake…I'm sorry…i-it's just…I _hate_ myself and I don't deserve any of--"

"Lee, baby girl, _don't_ say that. Don't hate yourself, please don't…I don't see how you can hate yourself…God…baby girl, I love you so much."

I heard the door knob turn and I froze, I knew that scent…I quickly pushed myself away from Jacob and hid behind him. My breathing became ragged, _he_ was here. I began gasping and I felt like my lungs were being set on fire. Jacob spoke confirming my fears and I began sweating.

"Sam,"

"Jacob…can I speak to Leah alone?"

I clutched onto Jacob's shirt in the back and shook my head 'no' I didn't want to see Sam. I'm already unstable in so many ways…I don't want it to be worse.

"No."

"Why not?"

I could feel the tension of the two, it was a post-fight type of tension. Despite being as scared as I was I brought both hands on each of Jacob's arms rubbing comforting circles. He became less tense, but I knew Sam became more tense.

"Lee doesn't want to see anyone right now."

"Then why are you in here?"

"Sam, just _go_, I am _not_ in the mood."

I peeked over Jacob's shoulder and Sam was shaking and he became tense, which made Jacob tense. I kissed Jacob's jaw and closed my eyes willing for at least Jacob to calm down. I heard Sam growl, he was issuing a challenge and I knew Jacob wouldn't back down. Being an Alpha he had to much pride for that.

"Lee, baby girl, I'll be right back."

"…don't leave me…"

"I'll be back,"

"You said you wouldn't…"

"Give me ten minutes…"

"So, _Lee_, what is Jacob to you now? Your bitch?"

My eyes narrowed and I pushed away from Jacob, I stood up and I walked over to Sam. I looked him in the eyes and I knew all he saw in mine were malice.

"If you _ever_ disrespect my Alpha again, I will kill you."

"Oh I am so sc--"

I punched him in the jaw and suddenly is felt as if I had used all my strength, I fell to floor panting.

"Girlie, move, right now…"

"I…can't…"

A growl came from Sam and I closed my eyes, waiting to be mauled and a loud crash was heard, but nothing came. When I opened my eyes Sam and Jacob were gone. I pushed myself up seeing a large broken hole in the glass. I heard growls and vicious barks, I got enough energy to drag myself to glass wall/window. I saw Jacob and Sam fighting, their massive bodies creating thunderous noises. Jacob tackled Sam and bit his neck, a yelp was heard from Sam. My relief was short lived because Sam head butted Jacob in the chest knocking him over and pinning him. I wanted to help but I had no energy, I gasped as Jacob used his hind legs to kick Sam in a large evergreen tree. The tree snapped in half a piece impaling Sam in the leg.

A loud yelp whipped through the forest and Jacob was going in for the kill, my breath caught in the throat. Then I saw the big bear like vampire, Emmett I think, and the one that controlled emotions and Edward, they came out and tackled Jacob pinning him. Jacob growled and thrashed around. Emmett spoke with an amused sound in his voice.

"Gees, Jacob, what is it with you wolves and breaking our windows?"

Jasper furrowed his eye brows as he tried to calm Jacob.

"Jacob, you and Sam could have killed Leah, next time take it away from her."

Edward paused from his speaking most likely listening to what Jacob had to say.

"I know she wanted you stay, but you should have thought of her safety first."

A growl came from Jacob and a amused laugh came from Edward and he whispered so I could not here. What was so funny? Then Emmett's booming laugh and voice alerted me.

"So Sam was challenging for Leah? OH! This is just classic, you guys _are_ mutts."

I watched as Jasper punched Emmett telling him to shush it. I shook my head, I was _not_ worth fighting over, let alone attempting to kill each other. What I didn't get was why Sam would care, I mean he has Emily…unless he didn't want anyone else to have me or allow me to have happiness. My fists tightened and I began shaking, he didn't own me, I could be with whoever I wanted to be with…

I gasped as a sudden pain shot through me, I fell into a pile of glass, I began coughing violently, a coppery taste in my mouth. I curled up in pain, tears stinging the corner of my eyes, my breathing becoming shallow.

"J-Jacob…"

Suddenly it felt like I was being ripped from the inside out.

"Ah!"

Everything began fading and I heard the door open, the pain becoming more unbearable by the minute. I just wanted it to go away, the feeling of warm, coppery tasting liquid spilled form my mouth. Glass scratched and stabbed my limbs, I began panting, chocking on blood, my whole body was in pain. Cold hands grabbed me and took me to the bed, I felt so much pain.

"Leah, you need to calm down, just breathe."

I half gurgled half spoke when I answered Carlisle.

"…I…rea…"

I coughed and large amounts of blood flew from my mouth and landed on my chest and lap. I just wanted to curl up and die, I felt so weak. I was tired. My eyes began drooping, everything, even the pain, was fading into nothingness. The sound of my name alerted me for a split second until my mind fell into hazy colorful spectrums of my dreams.

**Jacob's POV**

Sam was challenging me, I knew it and like hell I would back down. No way in hell would a should-be-beta challenge _me_. I am bigger and the rightful Alpha, he was not going to challenge me. I nearly ripped him to shreds when he called me a bitch. I stopped…what was Lee doing? I was glad she standing up for me but…_what_ the _hell_ did she just do!? She just punched him…oh God…

She fell to the floor, not moving, I began panicking.

"Girlie, move, right now…"

"I can't…"

I stood up and quickly jumped Sam, both us phasing, out giant bodies crashing through the glass. My left side thudding against the ground and Sam landing on his back. I quickly got up, Sam slightly struggling, but stood up, his hackles raised like mine.

_What the HELL is wrong with you Sam!? You could have killed her!_

_Like she would care, I mean she did try to kill herself over you. It'd be better than that._

I growled, snapping my jaws at him. One good grip on his jugular a or on the pressure point on the upper part of his jaw by his ear and he was as good as dead. He tried to bite my right flank, I turned that hip away from those snapping jaws. Using that as an advantage I tackled him and bit his neck, Sam's distressed yelp made me morbidly happy. While I was slightly distracted, Sam twisted his body some how escaping my locked jaws and head butted me, pinning me beneath him.

_I wonder how _Lee_ will react if she see's her beloved killed in front of her, will it drive her more into insanity? I wonder…_

_Sam you can go to HELL!_

I used my powerful hind legs and kicked Sam off me, his body flaring like a rag doll as it hit the evergreen tree. When it snapped the lower half impaling his hind leg. As I was going in for the final killed and massive stony mass hit me.

_What the hell!_

Emmett grinned and looked at the window laughing, I hate him sometimes…

"Gees, Jacob, what is it with you wolves and breaking our windows?"

I knew Jasper was trying to calm me and it really wasn't working. My eyes looking over at Edward who was frowning.

"Jacob, you and Sam could have killed Leah, next time take it away from her."

_She wanted me to stay and then something happened and I had to get him out some way! Plus he was challenging me, like he _owned_ her or something_

I growled, Leah did not belong to Sam.

"Ha, you were fighting over who got Leah? How quaint."

_Quit laughing, Edward! And no it wasn't over who got her!_

Emmett barked a giant laugh, I really wanted to wipe that smile off his face, I really did.

"So Sam was challenging for Leah? OH! This is just classic, you guys _are_ mutts."

I snorted when Jasper punched Emmett, that's what he gets. I stood up towering over them and glared in Sam's direction…if only I could finish the job…

"Don't even think about it."

Stupid bloodsu…

_Edward why do I smell Lee's blood?_

I looked at him anxiously, something was wrong. When Emmett extended a pair of pants to me I snatched them with my mouth. I half trotted half ran into the forest. I halted for a second when Emmett spoke.

"Do you wolves always go commando?"

_Not always now is not the time to ask retarded questions!"_

"He said not always now quit asking stupid questions."

Ask I trotted into the brush I heard Emmett mumble it was not a stupid question, ugh he was an idiot! When I hidden within the brush I changed back to my human form, slipping on the pants I ran past Edward, Emmett and Jasper, who were tending to Sam (though they should of left him for dead) and headed into the house. I could smell Lee's blood, it wasn't much…compared to that day, but it was quite a bit. My feet carried me to her room and I opened the door.

"Lee!"

Her eyes flittered for a second in my direction before they closed. My eyes snapped to Carlisle's eyes.

"What's wrong with her?"

"Her mind is already unstable, that fight must have pushed her mental well being over the edge. Also all this stress is putting pressure upon her body, which must have made her cough out blood. Jacob, she needs a less stressful place to reside, you're willing to go to cabin with her, yes?"

I nodded my head eagerly and Carlisle let out a sigh.

"Alright, I hope you're prepared for the task of her healing. I can guarantee you it will be a hard and long process. I have dealt with cases such as this, just none this bad. Just be prepared so emotional and mental break downs."

I looked in her direction and then I stared into Carlisle's eyes.

"Anything for her."

* * *

A/N: Q_Q; No don't make me write more! I'm brain dead and this drama is so ugh. Long author's note just so you know. I'm sorry if my fight scenes fails. I'm more of a meat loving and sarcastic type of person (SOKKA!) lol yeah I just threw in a Avatar (and I don't mean the blue people) cameo. But actually I'm more of comic relief person. Uh…let's see…OH! Okay someone pointed this out but I can't remember who, they asked something along the lines of wouldn't Leah's organs fail if she didn't eat.

Explanation: There are two possible cameos that could happen, one: her body fails as each organ shuts down slowly or the more gruesome one: her body begins to eat itself to the point were it has eaten all of its nutrients and then the body looks like a mummy. Yeah, I learned this from CSI in like 3rd grade and oh boy was that years ago, I just remembered it cause I always found it cool.

Also interesting fact for those who play Kingdom Hearts, Axel's name use to be Lea and Saix's name use to be Isa LOL What chick like names for dudes, seriously. Also a random FUN fact, each breath of oxygen you take is slowly killing you and corroding your insides and cells! :D Bye~

P.S.

I am not a doctor so I'm not sure if stress has an effect like that on a body. Also this is an un-revised chapter and any grammer/spelling/whatever mistakes I apologize for :)


	13. Breaks My Heart

A/N: So sorry I didn't up date in over 2 months I think. Life was crazy anyone who read the last A/N chap knows what I mean.

-----------

**Leah's POV**

My eyes felt sticky and there was a weird after taste of copper in my mouth. I brought my right hand to my eyes rubbing them sleepily. I sat up blinking a few times, once twice, three times. This room was far from familiar, and none of the scents were familiar, there was a faint smell of Jacob, but other than that nothing. No sound, scent or sight that seemed familiar to me, but it did have a strong overlay of bloodsucker scent. My senses hit overdrive and the hair on the back of my neck stood on end. I brought my knees to my chest and I looked around more, hyperventilating. I _needed_ Jacob, I was scared, I heard the door knob as someone was going to come in. I shrieked and closed my eyes.

"Lee, girlie, calm down its me."

I felt the bed sink and I looked up tears in my eyes and there was Jacob, I thought Sam had got him. I spoke stuttering, I was finding it difficult to speak.

"Jac-Jacob…I thought…but…Sam…f-fighting…?"

"Hun, I wasn't badly injured…but Sam on the other hand…"

"Jacob…promise me one thing…"

"Anything…"

"That you will never fight over me or to protect me."

"…but that."

"Why? I am _not_ worth it."

"Hun, you are worth it, don't say things like that…"

I frowned looking down at my lap, if I was gone he wouldn't have to this…also…I could see…see Papa again.

"I want…"

"What do you want?"

"I want my Papa…"

"Lee, he's always with you, you just can't see him. Hun, where did this come from?"

"I just want…my Papa…"

I heard the door creak open and I saw Seth, he blinked and walked over to the bed. I clung to him crying, I wanted my Papa so much.

"Leah…you haven't used the phrase Papa since you were seven…"

"I didn't mean to make him go away…it was just…I…"

"Lee, girlie, no it wasn't your fault, these things happen…"

"But if I wasn't such a _**FREAK**_ he wouldn't have had a heart attack! I am the only woman in our history to be a shape shifter! I just want my Papa…"

Seth was petting my hair, he was just always so nice to me, man I love this kid…always there for me…

**Seth's POV**

I gently set Leah on the bed, covering her with a blanket, the tears still prickling from her eyes. I stood up as Jacob did and we left the room. I was so frustrated, my poor sister, she's been through so much. Those damn fucking cosmic stars. I walked into the kitchen sitting at the table. I sighed in frustration and looked at Jacob who was staring out the window. He was watching the snowflakes perform their ballet.

"Jacob, can you handle this? Can you handle not seeing Nessie for long periods of time?"

He was silent, when he did speak he didn't look my way.

"…anything for Leah. I don't care if I'm suddenly in physical pain to see Nessie, I don't care if it feels like I'm being stabbed. Anything for Leah, she's my _lifeline_ Seth, I _need_ her to be able to function.

"She's everything I want and everything I need, she's like the blood that courses though my veins. I'm desperate for her to be okay."

I kept back any malice in my voice when I spoke, I spoke very calmly.

"Then why did you leave her in the first place?"

"…I don't know…"

"Well get this Jake, next time you hurt Leah because of imprinting or something, I'm going to imprint my foot into your nuts. Got that?"

I watched as he paled a little and nodded his head, an awkward silence befell upon the kitchen. Only sounds of me tapping my finger on the table, the fridge and soft groans and whimpers of my sister. I looked up and saw Jake gripping the edge of the counter, looking guilty and sad. I was getting ready to speak when my phone began ringing. I pulled it out my pocket and saw mom's number on there. I flipped it open and put it to my ear.

"Hey, ma."

"…_honey, I need you to come home, Paul was asking me where Lee was and I think maybe because Sam wanted know. Baby, just come home, because he might have one his member follow you around…or something…"_

I sighed and looked at Jacob who had a questioning look on his face.

"Okay, ma, I'll be home shortly."

"_Okay, baby, I love you, see you soon."_

"Love ya too, ma, bye."

I clicked my phone shut and rubbed my temple, gosh, I was getting a migraine…

"What's going on?"

"…Ma thinks maybe Sam is trying to figure out where Leah is and she wants me home."

I cringed down as Jake went ridged, putting my head on my crossed arms. When Jake spoke, it was through gritted teeth.

"Sam is such a prick when I see him…."

I heard the squeak of a door opening and I blinked.

"Jake, shh, she's up, don't tell her what's going on."

A few moment later Leah walked in, shuffling her feet and sat on a chair. Jake kneeled next to her and spoke softly.

"Hon, you should be sleeping still…"

I stood up and walked over kissing my sister on the head.

"Sis, I need to get home, ma said she needed help with something."

"…tell mama I love her."

I smiled and turned getting ready to leave, but spoke first.

"I will, sis, I promise."

I left the room and when I got to the door, before I opened I stopped….would life in prison be worth it if I killed Sam…probably.

**Jacob's POV**

When Seth left I stood up and looked down at Leah who was still practically asleep. So I went to the fridge pulling out carrots, celery and a sauce for what I was going to make. Sauce courtesy of Esme of course. I grabbed a butcher knife and chopped up the vegetables and placed then into the sauce. I went to the fridge and pulled out a pound of beef. Not that kind for burgers, but the kind for a pot a roast. I placed the sauce and veggies in a skillet letting it simmer on low. I began cutting the meat when a scream nearly made me chop my fingers off. I looked at Leah who was looking around the kitchen.

"Lee…?"

Her eyes caught mine and she looked down at what I was doing and shrieked again and literally leapt off the chair. I set the knife down and washed my hand, quickly drying them off. She cringed when I kneeled next to her and soothed her hair down.

"Babe, what's wrong?"

"I didn't mean to, but it just happened. One minute she was there and the blood and Jake, I'm sorry…"

My brows furrowed as she sobbed into my shirt, this poor girl. Where's my Lee, my tough luck and shut the fuck up girl? She's gone with nothing but a hollow shell left. I picked her up placing her on the sofa in the living room. I walked into the kitchen and resumed what I was doing. My mind wandering, what if's flying about my head. Would if I had never left? What if I had told before how I felt? Would she have been OK?

After finishing the food, I took a plate to learn with a glass of water. She glanced at the food, not showing any interest. I sighed and sat next to her, trying to coax her into eating, I really didn't want to have to use my Alpha command or anything like that.

"Please, babe? For me. I want you to get better…"

"What's the whole point if I'll puke it up later? Looking at it makes me want to puke."

Her mood swings where going to drive me nuts I just knew it. It took me a good ten minutes to get her to eat. She ate, but barely even half the plate, but it was a start. I took out a pill bottle of anti-depressants and Leah looked at me and then at bottle and back at me.

"You don't have a choice, Lee, you have to take them they're prescribe by Carlisle."

Pulling out two pills I gave them to her and she glared at them for a moment before popping them into her mouth and drinking the water. Setting down the nearly empty glass, she just sort of spaced out. It was only about four in the afternoon and I had a feeling it was going to be awkward. I grabbed her hand and we just sat on the couch, she leaned on me.

"Jake, I'm sorry, I don't know why I did this. Maybe it was for attention, maybe it wasn't, when you left, I snapped. I felt alone and lost, the self inflicting pain made me feel better. It was like something to help me focus off the heart ache.

"Like when Papa died and Sam left, I was mean to everyone to get rid of pain. So much pain, just so much I couldn't take it. It was like that when you left but much worse, using pain killers, razors and alcohol was my way of dealing. I felt better, but each time, the stuff increased, it took more and more to forget the pain.

"I feel so stupid, I hurt everyone, I made my _mother_ cry, Jake. My mom…she doesn't deserve a daughter like me…"

I ran my hand up and down her arm, silent sobs racking her body. I shushed her and we just sat in a semi-silence, just her sobs and me trying to comfort her. At around five the sun began to set, I reached over and turned the light on. I just sat there rubbing comforting circles on her arms, and I drifted off.

**Leah's POV**

I sat up, looking at the clock, it was around midnight, Jake was asleep and I sat up. Placing the blanket on him, I got up and crept towards the bathroom. Upon entering I locked the door, I hate hurting him I really do. I walked over to the window and slide it open, it was a five foot drop to the ground. I needed to leave him to stop him from suffering, he can't spend his time taking care of _me_. I hopped out the window and landed soundlessly and walked from the behind to the house to the shed. I knew if I phased it would alert everyone who was phased, yet if I also in human form I was vulnerable. It was a lose-lose situation, but I was fine with that. I walked slowly in the surrounding woods.

After awhile of walking I was exhausted, I couldn't breathe, and my world was spinning. I slid down on a tree and found myself unable to move. My heart thudded in my chest when I heard a howl.

"_Shit_, shit, shit."

That was Jacob's howl and he was going to be pissed. I felt tears prickle in my eyes, I did it _again_. I keep hurting him, I needed to some how get away, but I couldn't out run wolves or blood suckers. Maybe I could hide. I looked around, seeing nothing that I could hide in. You'd think maybe a pile of falling tree, you know since I was in the middle of a forest, but no. I stood up and limped slightly, getting only a few feet before falling again. My blood froze cold when I heard a growl, I tried to turn and see what it was but I was frozen. I could hear my heart in my ears, whatever it was, had started walking. They were coming in from my left, I looked over to see a giant wolf, it was too dark to make out color. I didn't know whether to be relived or scared.

A wolfish grin played upon this wolf's face, it stepped out into a moon lit patch. I had never seen this wolf before. This wolf was pure white with a black patch over its eye, a black tip upon its tail and black paws. Then I did something stupid, I reached my hand out for it.

"Who are you…? You're not from Jacob or Sam's pack…"

It walked closer, something told me to be submissive, it was not to be messed with. Then I realized, this wolf was male, he had a very Alpha like air to him. He circled around me and then disappeared into the woods. I was alone again, just alone. The crunching of leaves alerted me and out walked a man, he was little shorter than Jake, but a bit taller than Sam.

"Now, what would you be doing out in the middle of the woods?"

"…so I don't hurt someone…"

"But wouldn't that be hurting them more? By leaving I mean?"

"…who are you?"

"Who am I? I am a man of many things, I am of Makah tribe, but some of my ancestry if from Quileute. I am wise, I know you who are, Miss Leah Clearwater, only female Shape Shifter in all of Shape Shifter history."

"…OK obviously you know who I am…but who are you?"

"Just remember Patch, I must be off. The man you love is coming."

I blinked as he literally disappeared into thin air. Patch? How interesting…just as he left I saw Jacob appear. He was in wolf form and the look he gave me told me I was in trouble. He walked into the woods coming out in human form, I cringed when he began talking.

"Leah, Jesus! You scared me to death! I woke up to use the bathroom and I find you gone. I thought maybe you sent to the bedroom, but when I tried to open the bathroom door it was locked. First I panicked, thinking maybe you hurt yourself again. So I busted the door down and you wanna know what I found?

"The window wide open, I found a piece of my shirt you're wearing on a nail so I knew you were either kidnapped or ran away. I panicked even more and ran out the house stripping along the way and I phased. I alerted everyone you were missing and…what's that smell?"

I blinked, what smell?

"What smell?"

"There's a smell of a wolf I don't know of…did you see a wolf around here?"

"Uhm, no."

I didn't think it was a good idea to tell him about the all knowing wolf who was here. He was already mad. Jacob sighed and set his head on my shoulder.

"Lee, babe, quit scaring me, I always think the worst."

He mumbled softly and I hugged him, maybe I just need to stay with him. Jacob knows best, I know this but, I just have these _impulses_, its like a habit. I don't like doing this to him, I keep thinking maybe if I was out of his life he'd have no pain. Yet I am wrong every time, every single fucking time. I start crying, because I'm an idiot and I hurt Jake so much, I break his heart each time I do this and it breaks my heart. I should be mad at him for putting up with me, yet I can't be mad. I always comes back for me, maybe I should just accept this. He love me no matter how fucked up I am. I can't ask for anything better than this. He's so perfect.

"Jake."

"Yes?"

"I don't think you understand how much I love you."

I grab his face and I kiss him, I feel my tears run down face. When I open my eyes and pull back he also is a little teary eyed. I know saying 'I love you' won't make up for much but it's a start. I don't know if its those ant-depressants that are making me like this or if I'm dreaming. Jake stands up and pulls me up. I guess its okay for right now, later I don't know. I'll get better for him, I have to, he has my heart and I have his.

Please, Papa, help me get better for Jacob, he's perfect for me, for your little princess.

* * *

A/N: …this chapter sucks, Not the last chapter don't worry. Sorry for not updating for like 47 years. Life is a bitch and fucks everyone up the ass. Anyways, the only really good thing that's happened so far is I got the deluxe version of Escape the Fate's This War Is Ours with two unreleased songs and t-shirt. Peace from…the mid-west USA.


	14. Your Strings Attached

A/N: omg I have not updated since like Jesus was crucified… sorry but its cuz my old computer's charger went bye bye. also I got another laptop :D go me. ok, this chapter will be short? maybe? not sure. enjoy.

* * *

I sat in the tub letting the warm waters relax all my tense muscles. It was silent except every so often when Jacob would rinse off his razor in the sink. It wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be…but he still didn't trust me to be alone. Understandable…I guess. I glanced at him, he had nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist and shaving cream on his face. Kind of reminded me when I would sit on the toilet and talk to papa when he shaved. I folded my arms on the side of the tub and set my head atop them and I just watched him. It wasn't anything fascinating, okay, yes it was, to me Jacob was very fascinating. I really did not deserve him, he was perfect being, the fact he loved _me_ of all people was beyond me. What did he see in me? I was nothing special. I was a very suicidal with horrible a tendency to hurt people.

He looked at me when he was done shaving and raised an eyebrow. I didn't say anything and just kept staring.

"Lee? Something wrong?"

"No," I spoke softly shaking my head. "I'm just wondering why you're so perfect."

he walked over to me and kneeled next to the tub and looked me in the eyes. I couldn't read what he was thinking.

"You're such an _oddball_."

I blinked, what the hell? Oddball? Honestly, what an asshole!

"Oh my gosh, you're su-"

Sparks flew when he kissed me, of course I couldn't stay mad at him, especially when he was doing this. Pulling back he looked at me and what he said made me wanna punch the shit out of him.

"Sorry, Lee, but I don't think I'd be able to control myself if I kissed you anymore…seeing that both of us aren't exactly clothed."

What a _tease_. I sat up and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Asshole, we aren't kids, doesn't matter."

"I know, but I want you to wait."

I growled when he stood up. What an asshole that's not fair. He walked out the bathroom closing the door behind him leaving me there glaring. I stood up and wrapped a towel around myself. I began viciously brushing my hair and muttering.

"Who the hell does he think he is? No one teases Leah May Clearwater and gets away with it…"

I brushed my teeth and walked out the bathroom and looked around. I huffed and walked into our room and got dressed into a pair of Jacob's basketball shorts and a tank top. I put my hair up into a pony tail and walked into the living room where I found him eating Cheez-Its. That fat ass. I sat next to him and pouted. He ignored me, so I groaned a little and he ignored me.

"I said POUT damn it!"

He looked and me and frowned.

"Leah what's wrong?"

"You're an asshole."

He grinned that cocky ass grin, he enjoyed toying with me. He went back to eating his stupid cheesy crackers and I growled. His grin got wider and I punched him in the arm and he winced and looked at a black and blue mark formed. He looked at me and back at then mark then back at me.

"What the hell?"

I grinned and walked away. Paybacks a bitch. I walked into the kitchen and stared out the window. My mind wandered to Patch…who was he? He has alpha status like Jacob…but…he was alone…

"Hmm."

I stared out the window leaning on the counter. flashes of images going through my head. I was suddenly pulled back, but it didn't phase me in the slightest. It'd been two weeks since Jacob found me in the middle of the woods. Christmas was drawing near and I didn't have anything for him. I leaned back into him when his hands wrapped around my waist. I felt Jacob kissing my exposed neck.

"Jacob,, what are you doing?"

"Mmm…nothing."

"Thought you wanted me to wait." I said poorly imitating his voice.

"Well, who said we were doing that?"

"Ugh."

Was all I said when I pushed away from him and walked into the living room. Damn him and his lecherous, teasing ways. he sat down on the couch and looked at me. I turned my head away staring at the TV which was on something or other. Even when he pulled me into his lap I completely ignored him.

"Leah, aw, c'mon don't ignore me."

I still did not acknowledge his presence. I felt him kissing my neck and shoulder, using all my restraint not freakin molest him right there. He huffed giving up and I looked at him.

"Done?"

I spoke calmly and he glared at me. His brows then furrowed and I cocked my head to the side.

"You OK? You haven't seen Nessie in awhi-"

"No, its not her, its you!"

He pushed me over and tickles me and I begin laughing. I was soon gasping for breath.

"J-Jacob I can't….breathe!" I gasped out when I sudden something break. Standing the door way was Seth with his eyes as wide as plate. Jacob back off and looked at Seth sheepishly.

"Hehe…Hey, man…"

"Hello Seth!"

I chirped in happily and Jacob glared at me. Seth glared at Jacob and then kneed him in the nuts.

"What the fuck, dude! She's my sister!"

"Oh…my…"

I watched as Jacob fell like a tree and Seth walked over to me. He was still having trouble trusting Jacob and he checked me over and sighed.

"You ok?"

"I nodded I'm fine…but Jacob…"

"Who cares about him, have you been eating?"

"I nodded yeah, Jacob makes me eat."

"I don't care, as long as you're eating."

"Oh."

"I had brought you some soup ma made…but…"

He looked over at a puddle and broken glass laying in the door way. I smiled and then looked at Jacob who was still holding his family jewels. I got up and kneeled next to him and whispered in his ear in a slow husky voice.

"Karmas a bitch, sweety…it's a shame I can't heal them back to health."

I stood back up and walked over to Seth. Seth then looked at me seriously.

"Lee…what were and Jacob doing…?"

"Oh, he was tickling me."

Seth then visibly paled and looked at Jacob who was giving us the biggest death glare ever. I smirked and Seth stood up.

"I…I think I should be leaving…"

Jacob staggered to stand up and used the couch to hold him up. He spoke in a low growl.

"Seth…if junior down there is injured, so help me God. You better pray you're a fats runner." he then looked at me a growled low. "And you need to stop being a damn _tease_."

I looked disinterested and spoke casually.

"So says the guy who likes flaunt off his sexy, toned, totally rapable body."

Seth gagged and Jacob literally fell to his knees. I just stood up and walked out of the room. It really did feel good being myself again. I heard a growl of frustration and then I heard them talking, or more like Jacob was ranting and Seth was just agreeing. I walked to the back porch and looked out at the woods. We were in the Cullen's land so I didn't really have to worry about Sam appearing. I smelled a familiar scent and stood up, I walked tot hr front of the house and saw Edward with his daughter.

"Hi Edward and Renesmee."

He nodded to me and Renesmee wrapped her arms around my legs. I tensed and she let go. I opened the door inviting them in. Renesmee ran right into the living into Jacob's arm. I could feel possessiveness creeping in. I leaned against the door way hearing his laughter, which abruptly stopped when he saw Edward.

"Hey, Edward…"

"Jacob, being away from her is hurting you, I hear it every time we're near each other."

My brows raised and Jacob looked at me.

"Jacob…why didn't you tell me?"

"Because right now, you're at the top of my list, sweety."

Renesmee smiled and spoke happily.

"Jacob, if you two get married will she be like my big sister? Because you're like my brother and if you marry her it'll be like having a big sissy!"

Jacob smiled weakly at her and I grunted. Why didn't he trust me enough? I would have let him see her…

"Jacob, I'm going to talk to Leah for a bit."

I looked at Edward with a 'wtf' face. Edward just grabbed my hand and pulled me another room. He spoke to me in a hushed tone.

"He's trying to break the imprint by not seeing her…"

I shook my head.

"Breaking an imprint is impossible unless the imprintee is dead or something."

Edward shook his head and looked at me.

"Actually from hearing his thoughts, his urge to be around her is less and less…his thoughts are saying he feels like the strings are slowly breaking and with each breaking rope, he floats higher and higher.

"Also with that, he feel like his strings are reattaching to someone else…to you…"

My eyes looked to him and then back to the wall in front of me. I could feel tears running down my face. Was he really going though all that physical pain for me? I quickly wiped my eyes and turned on sink splashing water onto my face. Just as fast as my life had spun into oblivion, it quickly rushed back out. Its like that one song by Journey. I dried my face off and walked back into the living room. I sat on the couch and leaned onto Jacob who glanced at me and kissed me on top of the head. Renesmee touched my hand, showing me she was happy for me and Jacob. She then touched Jacob's face and he smiled at her.

"Thanks, Ness."

She nodded and hopped over to Edward. She glanced at Seth and smiled at him and then turned away.

"Come on papa! Nahuel's coming over! I want to see him!"

"Ok, Renesmee, let's go."

I watched at the they left the house and Jacob looked at me and chuckled.

"Ironic, even though I'm imprinted on her she doesn't seem the least bit phased by it. We're each suppose to have a yearning to be near each other and neither of us feel it any more."

Seth looked at us and then walked towards the door.

"Uhm…I promised ma I would help her with something…bye you two!"

I heard the front door close and I looked at Jacob.

"So. Edward told me what's been going on with you…Jacob, I am so _sorry_. All I ev-"

His lip were on mine and I was totally caught off guard. He nibble my bottom lip asking for access that only an idiot would deny. Pulling back for air I gasped and looked at him.

"You're gonna get me arrested for statutory rape, you know that right?"

"I'm seventeen, you're twenty, three years, lets cry about it."

"…damn right I'll cry about it…and other things…"

He looked at me turning bright red. Aww, forgot the poor little baby still had virgin ears, My bad.

"But that Jacob is going to have to wait till you know where babies come from."

I stood up and walked in the bedroom to take a nap. The winner for biggest tease goes to Ms. Leah May Clearwater.

"Damn it!"

Was what I heard before I headed off into the world of dreams. Put that in your juice box and suck it, Black.

* * *

A/N: The calm before the storm (: This show that they've improved and, what now. Also yay for the kinkiness and innuendos! Whose ready for more angst! Not me! But its needed. Also please check out the singer Lights, she's amazing :} Her songs Second Go and Saviour are for surely my favorites. Ok, bye bye!


End file.
